I Can't Lose You
by MrsCena1
Summary: I can't let him go no matter how much this is wrong for even me, when I'm with him I'm whole again and thats all that matters.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I was pumping gas into my car when my phone started ringing in my pocket. I feel scared to see who's calling me now. There's only two people who can be calling me. Randy or Michelle my best friend. Randy would be calling me to say when he will be in town. Michelle would be calling to try and tell me to jsut walk away from Randy. The speech that she has given for a year now. Since the day I met Randy where I work.

She doesn't understand how much I love him, no one does. Not even him, maybe If i explain to her that I can't be without him. Its like an addiction that I can't get away from, If i do get away I'll just fall apart quickly and have a even harder time putting my life back into place. No one gets that Even though I told Michelle without him, I'm nothing. I'm just another person trying to pay car payment, house payment, light bill, phone, internet, food, internet, and gas bill. Living paycheck to paycheck trying to figure out what's on sale at the store to eat that one week before I have to go back the next week and see.

When I'm with him, my entire world is completely. There's no more pieces left to be placed, no more problems in my world, no worries. Nothing expect me and him together for that brief moment before he has to go home to his wife. It's like time stops completely and doesn't go again til we have to go back to our normal life. That's what I hate the most, when we both have to seperate. It's to take longer to see him than anything else in this world and then when he's over time flys by like a snap. I want that forever, but Michelle has a point. He won't leave his wife and thats something that I have to accept.

My eye moved down to my caller Id to see that Its Michelle.

"Hello."

"Hey are you ok?"

"Yeah why?"

"Well I guess, I thought you'd be heartbroken since you said you'd break up with him (Randy. She don't like to say his name.)

"I haven't broken up with him yet Michelle."

"Why?"

"I can't explain it."

Yes you can. You think he's going to leave his wife for you, you're going to be mistaken because you're the side girl while she's his center piece in his entire world."

Her sentence echo through my world slowly.

"I LOVE HIM!"

She didnt say nothing for a while making me almost hang up and recall her to see if she had fainted or not. It does feel good to tell someone expect my mind that I love him. I love everyhting about him, his smile, his jokes, his laugh, his tattoos, his voice.I can't lose that ever, if i do my whole life is over. My world revolves around him. I think he knows that to. We haven't said anything about that yes, but I can only hope that he feels the same way about me.

"I understand that Carolina, but trust me he doesn't feel the same way about you. I overheard him talking to some of his friends about how he's just using you. I don't want to see you get hurt even more than Tyler hurt you. This isn't going to help make the pain goa way or the memories of you and Tyler. This is only going ot make you hurt ten times worser in the future. Get out of that kind of relationship now please."

I waited a few minutes hanging up the gas nozle before putting cap back on and closing my gas lid shut.

"I want this, plus this isn't about Tyler at all."

I climbed in my car putting it on speaker phone, before I started my car and pulled away on the to my house. I do want this kind of relationship, i can keep some things secret and we can see each other everry once in a while that gives us plenty of time apart. We won't have to grow tired of each other. The perfect kind of realtionship for me and him.

"Think about this Carolina a little more.I got to go get ready for work. You work friday starting at 5:00."

"Alright thanks."

I pushed the phone off and turned onto my street scared that I might actually be considering her advice to end this relationship for good. Maybe if i did my life might make sense again. Right now, I dont ever want to make sense of things or the past. Looking back on the past makes my heart ache every moment it's in the past. When I look at Randy or on our past times together, I feel whole again. Like my life can't get any better than it is when we're together. I guess Michelle don't understand that, her and her boyfriend have been together since freshman year.

Tyler and me met junior year of high school, he was the almost the average student. Sure he was on the football team, but he partied alot and was so mean to me and everyone else.I didn't really want to end things with him because I liked him so much and I think he knew that. That's probably why he left me in the first place, I let him get by with everything scared to pick a fight with him.

I do the same with Randy. I let everything slip so I won't cause a fight between us. Maybe I should be more tougher, but keep my soft place in my heart for when we're not fighting. Does that sound like a plan? It does to me. If I mix both angry and love between situations maybe our relationship can grow stronger.

I didn't notice the black hummer parked in front of my house until my thoughts cleared for a brief moment giving me and my brain a quick break. Randy stood by his driver's door with a smile on his face moving to stand straight ahead of me as I pulled in behind him slowly. I can feel my heart skipping beats every minute that goes by that I look at him. I moved quickly grabbing my bag and keys before I came out of the car to see his smile mroe alive now than ever.

"Hey babe."

"Hey." I said.

My voice sounded shy and blushful like.

" I got in earlier thought I might surprise you. Only I have to leave later tonight to get back to the show by tommorrow for an appearance I have to make."

"Oh." My voice sounded more hurt and sad than I wanted it to made my head drop to the concrete, I want to be the understanding one not the disappointed one.

He came closer to me slowly putting his finger under my chin and lift my eyes back up to his. I saw a sweet and caring smile as his hand came in mine. We slowly started walking toward the house. Should I ask him what he thinks of me? I'll ask him later before he leaves maybe then we can have a reasonable talk.

His movement became more swift as he opened the door and lead us in before going start to the bedroom. He slipped my purse onto the couch by the window in my room and then he picked me up gentle letting me become eye level with him before he kissed me slowly. The few hours were so sweet and comfortable I didn't want them to end, but when Randy's movement made me come back to the house. He was up now grabbing his clothes that had been sent all over the room, now's a good time as any.

I said "How do you feel about me?"

He said "I like you alot can't you tell."

I said "Michelle was telling me about you talking to some of your other friends about how you're just using me."

He said "Don't believe nothing she says, she's just jealous trust me baby."

He finished up his clothes gather before slipping in to the bathroom. The way his voice came out sound like he was lying to me, maybe it was something else I heard. Yeah that's it. I'll just forget all about it, that's the right thing to do. Right?

The bathroom door coming open made my mind come back to the house and over and the bathroom door seeing him hunt for his shoes.

"I'll call you later bye."

Without even a single kiss he was gone. I sat there for the longest time thinking that this was a mistake maybe he's just tired from working alot. Yep that's it, he did seem a little tired earlier. I don't think I noticed it til now. I sent a silent pray to my heart and my mind to let that be true before I laid back down and let sleep creep into me slowly.

Reviews please. Trash it or keep going? Rename it or Leave it?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning slowly looking over at the window that was dark now because of the rain dripping slowly onto my window. Great that's a good way to start my day having a gloomy rainy day seems to be adding to my already more complicated probelms that seem to keep coming no matter how much I try to push them away from me. Right now, there too complicated for me to figure out. Espically the one with Randy. I kind of like how we're doing because I know in the far run this will be better for me. I don't have to worry about being hurt or anything right? Maybe Michelle's right, I mean when he said that she's just jealous it sounded like he was trying his hardest to get me to believe that. I don't know maybe I'm going crazy or something. Michelle is right about trying to make the pain go away, when we're not together the pain returns. This makes me want him to be around with me all the time never leaving my side.

I stopped for a minute seeing a few missed calls on my phone from both Randy and Michelle. Both left voicemails, I'm kind of scared to listen to them espically from Michelle. She wants me to do something thats right, yes it does go against everything that I believe in. I can't let him go though. Is that selfiish of me? I know that if I was married to him, I wouldn't want him cheating on me either. I bet that's how Samantha feels. This is wrong. So why can't I just walk away from this? That's my real question that needs an answer.

My phone ringing brought me back to my life instead of being in my thoughts. My eyes drifted back down to my screen seeing Michelle's name on the caller id. So with a nice deep breath I pressed send and put the phone to my ear.

"Hey."

"How did he take it?"

"He was both angry and sad at the same time I think?"

"How do you feel?"

"Like crap."

"Trust me this is better for both you and him in the long run. You need to talk to Tyler, he's been asking about you. I think he's scared to talk to you."

"I will in a while, I need sometime to myself though you know without all the boy drama in my life."

"I agree."

My phone made a beep noise telling me Randy is calling me.

"Hey I got call you back ok someone's trying to get to me."

"Alright if its him don't answer it hang up in his face. Call me later though. Love ya, bye."

I laughed a little before I said alright and pushed send on my phone again getting ready to hear his voice. My heart's already skipping beats right now.

"Hey baby."

"Hey hun."

"I get off next Friday, so I'll be by to see you."

"Maybe we can just watch a nice movie and fall asleep with each other."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing why?"

"I can always tell when something is wrong with you."

"Maybe we shouldn't really be together like this. Maybe if you left your wife things would be easier."

"I'm not leaving my wife get that out of your head. I'll see you next friday at 6:00."

He hung up before I could even make my own arguement with him. Great Michelle is right, he won't. I'm just the side girl that gets used for one thing only and after that's done, someone else will take my place while I mend my heart and take care of my wounds from him (I hope not though.) I can't find the right guy anymore. I guess he's not out there for me. Then what is out there for me?" Lonelyness forever or what?

I decided to get up, take a long shower and go to the store to get some groceries. I need something to do maybe make a mean dinner to put all my angry away for later. God, what he said about not leaving his wife just makes my blood pressure come to a very high boil right now. I can just beat him to death. Both my hands curled up in balls trying to make the angry going away from me slowly seemed not to be working the way, I want it to. Ugh!

I throw my fists againest the wall quickly trying make the pain go away from me, but the only thing it did is make my hand start to hurt really bad. I already know I broke my hand, but I have to visit the doc anyway to get everything checked out and get it wrapped or whatever they need to do.

I slowly began to realize that my angry went away replaced by tears of sadness thats had to be luckering somewhere inside me from all thats happened with Tyler and what Randy said. What am I worth to Randy anyway? Just a plain girl that he's only needing for when he gets in fights or doesn't want to go home. That doesn't seem even fair to me really, I guess he doesn't believe we'll fall in love with each other maybe. I don't know, but all this is giving me one terrible headache along with a heartache at the tone he used to tell me he's not leaving his wife. His voice was so cold and mean that if I had been there, I'd probably throw him out and breakdown in front of him.

I better get to the hospital before the ER starts to feel up with ton of people. I grabed my keys, cell phone, and purse before walking out of my house going off to my car. Maybe I should have just walked away that one night that he talked to me, sure I would have been scraping for my house and other things, but more importantly my life would remain simple in away. I'd probably get over Tyler later again maybe my life is meant to turn in this direction for a reason to teach me something maybe.

I sighed deeply jumping in my car and starting it slowly. After heading to the hospital and getting my hand wrapped and having some aspirins to take care of the pain. The rest of the week seemed to fly by as I worked slowly trying to keep my mind off Randy's visit friday. I couldn't help but find relief a little when I saw the schedule for the week and it said I work Friday from 8am til 4pm. Well atleast thats a good sign right? I dont really want to think about that right now.

So as soon as my shift ended for the night, I went straight home and hopped in bed after taking a shower and eating some cereal. Maybe tomorrow will just fly by and then he'll leave. Something in my heart almost made me regret saying that in away because it's half true and half not. Half not because when he's here everything is fine and my life is together instead of being out of place. Except the times that I make a fool of myself in front of him. Boy, that's embrassing.

I think the worst part is when you can't tell anyone how much you really love him, need him, and what the problems are between you guys. That just makes the situation even worser than it could ever be I think, espically if that's the situation is wher your best friend hates the guy you love. I thought best friends aren't suppose to judge you, but try to help you. In away Michelle is like both, she can be supportive of you if it's for the right reasons, but if it's not then she'll be judgemental in a helpful way. (I hope that made sense.)

_The Next Morning._

I done what I normally do ever morning, get up take a shower, get dressed and leave for work. The work day flew by making me want it to go by slow and easy maybe he won't be there when I arrive home, but incase he is, I'll just pick up some movies maybe and some popcorn to pop. It's worth a shot right? Well there's only one way to find out.

I clecked out swiftly walking a little faster than normal to my car and hopping in quickly. I made my way over to blockbuster, picking up some batman movies. I love batman espically with Michael Keaton in them yay! I picked out some extra butter popcorn at krogers and made my way home hoping the entire drive that he wouldn't be there. I haven't gotten a call yet so he might not be there. I kind of feel mad at myself because I don't want him to be there. I don't in a way because I'll remember what he said last week and the tone he used.

I pulled swiftly onto my street scared to even look to see if if his black hummer is there. Here goes nothing.I made my eyes look straight ahead a little more to see...

A black hummer without Randy standing at the driver's door this time, instead he was sitting on my front two steps that lead to my porch. This made me even more curious as I pulled in behind him. Dang it! I almost let the words come out from my mouth. I guess if I do they might make all my angry go. Right now isn't the time to put that on my mind right now as I got out of my car. I walking up the two stairs and unlocked my door not even glancing at him once. Maybe if I don't look at him, I won't lose my nerve to tell him how I feel.

"I wasn't going to come because I thought about what happened on the phone last week."

"Well maybe you shouldn't have."

"You can't expect me to leave my wife."

"You can't expect me to be the other girl forever either. What do I really mean to you anyway?"

"To me your just another girl."

I finally let the tears stream down my cheeks as they became stained by the tears, only right now I don't care. His words seemed to already have cut my chest open and grab my heart throwing it against the wall.

HIs movement made me my eyes clear a little to see him come closer to me now as I tried to move away, but his hand in mine made me stop before he pulled me to the bedroom and sat me down beside him on the bed.

"I'm sorry, I do care about you. You're not just a girl, your mine. I'll leave Sam, just give me a little time ok?"

I nodded slowly allowing him to kiss me. I knew he was lying, but I can't start another fight with him right now. It's to hard since my heart is very weak at the moment. Something made me see that he's taking advantage of me, but I won't believe it, I can't as we made love.

Reviews are awesome thank you! Keep them coming please! I'm thinking about adding either Dave or John, Which one?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning feeling a warm arm around my waist instead of my bed usually being cold and lonely it now feels nice and warm with a warm glow around the bed. This made me feel safe, secure, and loved right at this moment. Maybe he is taking advantage of me, I don't care right? I mean as long as we get to see each other that's all that matters right? My mind disagreed with me so many times trying to make me see that this isn't going to be good forever because at some point Randy's going to get tired of me and throw me away to find someone new and exciting. I know it's going to happen, but it's not something i let my mind fully think about, its best to let each day go freely and try not to think about if tomorrow might be the day he finally decides to tell me to go away. I'll probably be sad for a while in my own home, try to act all cheerful and happy when im on the outside world.

I moved slowly up toward the headboard moving my pillow to lean against it as well for my back to be comfy as my eyes drifted slowly down to Randy and his face sleeping light on the pillow without a single care in this entire world at the moment. Not thinking about how this might affect his wife, me, his family, or my family and friends. I mean he can get any girl in the world to fall in love with him. He can get married to anyone in the world that appeals to him all because evolution turned a great gentlemen into a guy that doesn't really care for anyone. All he is a user. I get that though in some weird way. It's a shocker to hear that from me, but it's true in some weird way. It's not something that makes me happy to hear from me or him, but it's the truth. Some point I have to sit down and get that through my head, but I don't want to have that running through my mind at the moment. It's better to just not love someone because in the end your the one paying the ulimate price for having your heartbroken so much that when you do find someone else it's too hard to love again. I guess the times we spend together are getting shorter and shorter.

I almost let a single tear fall from my cheek, this almost made me get up and go into the living room giving myself some distance from him. Maybe some much needed time apart like a few months to see if I can get over him really and let him find someone else to use right? It makes sense in so many ways, but it's not something i want to do, this is going to be so hard.

I moved the covers slowly sliding out of bed and allowing my feet to hit my cold hardwood floor as I rose from my bed grabbing my clothes by the dresser and walking out to the bathroom. Maybe if I go hang out with Tyler I might be able to get things back on track with him and make myself leave Randy for the best. It's better for the both of us, for him because he can get someone else to use and for me because I won't be the other girl. Right? This is what needs to be done? Yes everyone has passed their thoughts and comments on to me telling me how I should make this decision in the right manner and let things go with Randy. They don't realize how hard it is to leave when you fall for that person. I don't how I feel about Tyler like I do Randy.

I moved swiftly to the shower letting the hot water make all the pain and decision making be removed from me for that brief moment before I stepped back out into the real world and had the worries and problems come right back on my shoulders waiting to be dealt with for good. This is something I have to make myself do this for the god of my future even though it's going to hurt anyway around this. I have to give up on trying to make myself the one he wants spend forever. It's not me though.

I pulled myself back 90 degrees from my tears making my eyes settle lightly on the mirror in front of me letting my eyes show my reflection. I saw myself look weak and needing his affection, craving his touch, his words to me, everything. Somewhere along the way I let the walls I had built fall down around me allowing him to take advantage of me in my weak state. I didn't let myself see how much he was playing on my emotions and making sure I believed him over everyone else. I guess I made myself believe his every word, cling to his words that he spoke to me. Ugh! Dang it.

I almost let my temper go, I need to stay in control of my emotions in order to be strong for when I do break things off with Randy once and for all. The words seemed to echo throw my mind bouncing off the walls of my head trying to get my mind to reconsider my sudden decision. It's better in the long run. I kept repeating those words as I blow dryed my hair, brushed my teeth, slipped on my jeans and tank top, and finally applied my make-up slowly to my face.

When I finished, I lean back now re-looking at myself in the mirror once again see a different person that I haven't seen in a long time. I can see a small glow in my eyes at the thought of seeing Tyler. Maybe it's a good thing to see him and finally talk things out. Right? I mean being with him is what everyone wants for me to be happy along with doing the right thing. You know what makes me the maddest is, I let him control me and my emotions. Gosh, I just want to punch him til he bleeds. I think the best revenge would be to try and make him jealous.

I moved swiftly out of the bathroom leaving the door open before walking back in the bedroom immediately looking over at the bed to see it's now empty along with the rest of the room, he must be in the kitchen. I felt excitement rise in my heart and mind before I slipped on some black high heels and grabbed my purse plus my phone.

My feet stepped in the middle of the bedroom door for a moment allowing me to take a deep breath before I moved swiftly into the kitchen to see he was leaning on the counter looking at a bowl of cereal that he had just made from trix before his eyes came up to mine slowly letting me see the tiredness underneath his blue eyes. I almost fell apart liking an inch, but I held it together knowing this is for the good of me and him. I made myself believe that, I have to.

His voice came out soft and sweet making me lock my ears on that one voice that seemed to float around the room in almost a blurr and into my heart allowing the beats to skip. Dang it. I'm not going to be able to do.

"Where you going at this time of morning?" He asked.

"I'm meeting Tyler for breakfast." I said.

My voice is a lot calmer and collected more than I had expected it to be. I would have guessed my voice to have been sad and had a small crack in it. That's a relief. My eyes still locked with his seeing his eyes turn to fury and angry in a matter of seconds.

"Why are you going to meet him anyway he was the one who left you remember." He said.

"We need to talk about something." I said smoothly.

"Blow him off." He said even madder.

"No." I said stubbornly.

"Why not?" He asked trying to control his angry at this moment.

"I need this to be over, so I can start over with him fresh." I said sadly.

"You think he's going to take you back?" He said coldly.

"I can find out." I said still stubborn.

"Babe if he let you the first time then that should tell you he doesn't want to be with you trust me."

"Well it's better to try then to have someone who is married and doesn't want to leave his wife, trust me on that one."

"I can't just up and leave her you know."

"And I can't be the other woman you know."

"You know what fine I was getting tired of you anyway."

His voice came out cold and centered leaving the house feeling the same way as he moved pasted me into the bedroom to get dressed. I grabbed my keys and left the house almost turning around and telling him that I'm sorry and it's not true that I can be the other girl. My mind wouldn't let my feet go back making me climb in my car and drive away swiftly finally being able to let the tears roll down my cheeks.

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	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I moved forward looking into my rearview mirror hoping I'd see his hummer following behind me, but all I see is a honda with a younger girl than me driving. I guess he was serious like I was. Well I tried to make this better for both me and him both. I know he'll find someone who will be the other girl and won't get mad that he'll stay with his wife as long as she is the one he sees almost once every two weeks at the most. I'm not going to be that girl the one in the shadows to be used for only one purpose before getting thrown away like yesteray's garage. That's not how a relationship should go, if your not happy in a marriage you should leave and be with the one that makes you the happiest. No relationship is perfect, but love is the most wonderful thing in this entire world and it should last forever with the person you pick. Only problems seem to float down everywhere staking up like old newspapers one by one waiting to be discussed or resolved right away instead of later when you finally see the reason why the relationship didn't work out. Problems are the things that happen and can't really be resolved with just one answer and then sweeped under the rug for later use. The walls that are built around a relationship start to crumbly at the tip and then get bigger, before all the walls fall down. That's when both party's walk away.

My mind didn't realize a soft knocking sound on my window until my thoughts cleared completely, my eyes rose up softly to see Tyler standing there with skaterboy hair that seemed to be runned thrown by his hand, a gray short sleeve hurley shirt cover his chest and shoulders, light pair of american eagle cover his lower waist, and finally a dark pair of black and white converse shoes covered his feet. His truck sat in front of this mini dinner three blocks away from my house that we use to go to for dates and stuff. So many memories came rushing back to me when I looked at his face, his leaving, our first meeting, our first date, meeting the parents. What killed me the most inside is that he made me miss Randy even more than I do right now. I tried to push the feeling away and not think or say anything about it, but I guess that doesn't work. I don't see how I can love the guy though. How every girl in this world fall in love with him? It's not possibly right? I never thought that so many girls can fall in love with one guy (minus Cena.) What's also a surprise is that I'm one of those girls. I always thought that I'd be the one to look past all that when I first watched wrestling and saw how my friend was. I guess I'm wrong in so many ways and I've gone against the judgement of people to be happy. What matters the most is that I'm happy right? I mean that's what people look for happiness, love, support. security. I guess all my focus went blank after Tyler left, that's when Randy saw all my weakness like they were on the front shelf of a shop being sold to people with money.

Tyler's voice rang out as he stood by my drivers side windshield smiling brightly at me.

"Hey come on." He said slowly letting a little excitement show in his voice.

He reached for my door handle slowly as I grabbed my purse and keys out of the ignition. My heart didn't skip beats though like it use to or like it does with Randy. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Yeah I want to get things straightened out, but I also don't want to be in a relationship that I'm not happy in. I feel a little dizzy with all these thoughts running through my head. Right now I need to focus on Tyler, not Randy.

Goal 1: Not think about Randy.

Goal 2: Give Tyler all my attention.

Goal 3: Not think about Randy.

I need to stick to those three goals for the rest of the breakfest time, I just hope I can. I guess my hope is all gone when I used it up on Tyler. I use to hope he'd comeback and things would be easier for me and him. When he left my life fell apart all at once not in pieces. I got stuck with all the bills working extra shifts almost everynight trying to make ends meet. The economy is so tight and gas was so high at one point i had to park my car and catch a ride with Michelle. That was a dark time for me and everyone else who had to see me swallow all the pain and suffering just to get through each day until I met HIM! ( it's better than saying Randy).Things came together after a while and it was like that one phase in my life had never happened.

Tyler's voice ringing out slowly making my eyes move up from the concrete that had the sun beating down on our shadows slowly as Tyler's hand came in mine making me almost pull away, but my heart caught myself letting me know that if I do pull away I'd feel bad in the end. So I just let him hold my hand and smiled when his eyes came to lock with mine for a second. I couldn't let myself look long enough into his eyes as he stopped for a moment grabbing my other hand and bringing them to his chest as our eyes reconnected and I finally made myself see the caring and hurt in his eyes that he felt when he left me and the caring he feels for me now. Only I don't feel the same about him as I did before. It's better to tell him before this gets out of hand I think, heck I dont know anymore. I want to know when my life became this much of a drama course that I can't seem to shake no matter what. This makes me even madder because I'm stuck right in the middle and it feels like I'm yelling for someone to hear me, but no one can hear me.

"Why don't we just go and talk at your place it's more quieter and less noisey."

I waited a few moments before nodding as we started moving back to the cars, I had a strange feeling this isn't such a good idea. Right now I'm not going to think about that. I can't, I need to just erase and keep my mind thoughtless.

Without any further thought moved into my car and drove home with Tyler following close behind me. I almost fainted when I looked over to see the black hummer sititng in front of my house and the front door opened wide with the screen shut. Oh my god. This isn't going to end well. I can feel my blood pressure begin to rise as I pulled in my drive way slowly and tried to run into the house before Tyler got out, but by the time I did get in and finally see Randy sitting on the couch looking sad and weak. Tyler had just came in behind me. That's when things exploded as Randy grabbed me slowly pulling me behind him, so he can go nose to nose with Tyler. I felt my fear rise inside me knowing this is going to end badly. There's no way around it either which makes this even more worser than anything else I can think of.

I made myself move from behind Randy and stand between them looking from Tyler to Randy before letting my voice come out softly to Tyler.

I said "You can come back later and we can talk when I get done with Randy."

I can only pray that he says ok and leaves, but something else whispered to me that this isn't helping the situation. What else can I do? I screamed to myself so loud that I thought iI had gone deaf for a moment, but Randy's hard stone voice came out echoing coldiness off the walls.

"Go ahead skipper run along, this is a man's place." Randy said.

"Aren't you a little old for her." Tyler said.

I lowered my head putting my hand on my head for a moment, before another soft hand clamped my shoulder and pulled me behind him. Randy. Then with a flash fists started moving and an arm pushed me right in the glass coffee table that sat in front of the couch. I didn't know how long I laid there, before I finally noticed Randy and Tyler each by my side with worried looks on both their faces. The glass is all in my back, shoulders, elbows, and my arms. Something kept me down though telling me to just stay this way for a while even though the pain that has just begun.

Finally the angry in my chest rose up and before I could stop myself I said this.

"You both need to just leave."

I didnt even try to look at them as I looked up at the ceiling avoiding their gaze. That's all can do right now, looking them in the eyes will make this even harder on the guilt part. This is the time I need to be alone and figure out what I need in life and how I need to go about my love life. Whether to just stop trying to find love, put up with being the other girl, or be in an unhappy relationship to make everyone else happy expect me. I just want to go away and have this all disappear. Leave my past behind me and start somewhere new. If only it was that easy.

They both moved up slowly moving out of my sight, the door clicked softly before I finally let myself get up letting the tears stream down my cheeks feeling the effects of heartbreak all over again. Great! UGH! I almost got up quickly and ran until I can't run anymore or just drive until I run out of gas. That sounds like a nice plan, only I have to work tomorrow. So I got up slowly trying my best to not make my entire back and stuff kill me in the process. I made my legs walk to the kitchen grabbing the alcohol from the side table and some rags.

The door clicking made my thoughts stop momentarily as my voice came out hurt and sad.

"Go away."

Maybe they'll take the hint. Heck I don't know, I can only hope they do. Only they didn't a soft whisper came in my ear almost making me move away, but I didn't.

Randy.

"I figure that you need me to help you take care of your back. I took some time off to spend with you and I called your boss to see if you can get some time off. He agreed."

"What about your wife?"

"I told her that I'm going to hang out with Dave and John."

"What about Hunter?"

"He'll get over it trust me."

I stopped talking letting him disinfect and pull all of the glass out of my back, shoulders, both eblows, and my shoulders. Before he bandage it up neatly. Then before, I could even more a muscle I was in his arms clamping my arms around his neck letting his smirk melt into my heart as he carried me slowly to the bedroom never ever moving his eyes to look ahead at where he's going. In that moment everything seemed to change, it felt like he wasn't married and we were't having any problems what so ever. Everything seemed perfect. Only this isn't going to last. I think that's going to be the hardest on me, I dont know about Randy. Probably not.

My thoughts seemed to disappear as I felt Randy lay me down gentle on the bed before coming on the other side to crawl in next to me cuddling with me slowly as we spoke softly.

"I love you."

"I love you to."

"I been thinking that you're right I do need to realize that I don't want to be with her anymore and it's you I want to be with."

I smiled softly before I let our lips meet in a good night kiss and laid my head on his chest to hear his heart beat softly as I drifted off to sleep.

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	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The morning sun came shinning brightly through my maroon curtains that hung over my window, My eyes came open slowly looking immediately over at the sleeping body of Randy to see he's still here. Something inside me doubted that he would really stay, I guess I'm still waiting for him to just up and leave. I think I'll always be that way on the edge scared to take the next step, but the step has to be taken. I know that somewhere deep down in my heart that each step maybe my last with him and that puts me on the edge now more than ever. I don't know if he knows it or not, I guess he's not worried because he can get any girl at anytime he chooses. A life with him isn't really for sure, one minute he can be here and the next he can just up and leave. It's that simple. I never wanted to even think about that let alone admit it to myself. I got to tell you though it's a relief in a way because I can finally break the thoughts that seemed to be piling up. He's with me now, he left his wife for me. So why am I relieved to see him here with me? What If he's telling a lie and is still with her? What if this is some weird way this is to get back at me to make me realize that I'm nothing without him. Oh my god, this could mean anything. What do I ask? Good morning how did you sleep? Well good are you for real about this or is this some weird way to get back at me? That's a sure way to ask him.

I rose up slowly trying not to make my back hurt anymore than I have to at the moment. Great that's something else to added to my worries. I can't seem to get ahead no matter what I do, obstacles seem to be getting in the way everywhere I turn. Am I doomed to this life forever or is something finally going to break and let me be happy? The questioned accidently left my mind and came out in a soft whisper out my mouth.

"I think something finally did break and this is you're happiness if you're willing to go down the path with me." He said gently taking my hand in his.

I remained in an up position letting my right free hand do all the balancing so I wouldn't fall back, that would hurt if I did fall back. A soft finger came under my chin making my face and eyes turn toward his slowly letting our eyes meet as his gleamed with happiness and excitement from what he told me last night. I bet mine are filled with nervousness and happiness. Well, I don't mean for them to be, it's just I don't want to get my hopes up and then let myself think he's going to stay when he probably won't. He might go back to his wife for all I know.

My voice came out soft and gentle.

"What if she talks you into going back?" I asked.

He sighed a deep breath before rubbing his forehead slowly trying to find the right words to say to me. I noticed how he didn't want to say something that he shouldn't what if he hasn't left his wife? What if they're still married? What if he's just saying this to me to keep me around for a little longer than just break my heart?

"I'm not going back trust me, my life is starting with you baby."

"You never know, I have to keep myself on the edge of things all the time scared that one time I'll relax and then you'll be gone. Then I'm the one with the broken heart."

"You don't trust me." He said gently.

"I do. Well I think I do." I said rubbing my forehead.

"It's either yes or no." He said laughing.

"Maybe." I said in a soft whisper.

My eyes went away from him now looking down at my hands shaking a little scared by his reaction. Maybe I should have lied to him and told yes, I mean it would be better to lie that way I won't be here alone right? When he leaves the house has a cold and lonely feeling to it, but when he's here the entire house glows like the sun is right above the roof of the house.

"Well since we're being honest, I was jealous of you meeting Tyler because the thought of you losing scares me. There I said ok, I'm man enough to tell you I can't to be without you and I was just using you at first and then I saw how hard you have it and how much I care enough to help you. I LOVE YOU!"

I sat there for a moment shocked trying to find the words that would make them equal up to his, but nothing came to my mind. Not a darn thing, that made me feel alittle down at myself for not having an equal reply to his powerful and meaning full words that seemed to spread around the room lighting it up even more than before he woke up. I can tell him that I love him.

"I love you to. I was going to do what made everyone else happy and I really wasn't going to be the other girl. It's not me Randy. That's not good for Samantha either, if I were her I know that I wouldn't want to have you cheating on me with another woman. You've got to sit down and think about how all your decisions affect you as well as the other people around you instead of just storming out."

My hand went his cheek for a moment, before I kissed him softly and finally let a tear drop fall down my cheek already knowing my cheeks and nose are red even though I didn't mean for them to become red. This always happens when I cry, it's annoying so much because the redness still lingers a way after I stop crying. I guess that's why I always cried when I went in my room before I went to sleep that night watching a movie or just crying over something that happened that day that upset me. I can never really get a grip on my emotions or how I can make myself stop crying sometimes. It's so hard to not let the tears fall when someone says something to you or if something happens that makes you just want to sit down with some nice soft tissues and just let all the sadness out into the room.

Randy's movement made me look back over at his as he got up quickly and walked over to my side of the bed to stand for a second then getting down on one knee before taking my right hand in his as my breath stopped to hear what he's about to say. I haven't really thought about marriage, I'm not ready to give him an answer yet. What if he gets mad? Why would he though? I mean it's not really time for that stuff right now in the relationship right?

"Baby." He said making his voice get all my attention for the moment to him as I looked in his eyes, I can see the seriousness in them that doesn't ever really appear until he wants it to. I always thought that evolution made his caring side just go away and turn him into this cocky guy that no one wants around except the girls that fall madly in love with him.

"Look I know that this hasn't been easy for you, so will you be my girlfriend?" He asked in a soft whisper.

All my breathing stopped as he pulled out a large long boxed that wasn't ring. I almost let out a sigh of relief, but I let it go for right now. My eyes finally saw the necklace that is shaped in a small heart that diamonds in a small row around the outline of a sapphire heart. It's beatuful absolutely beautiful. Oh my god. I can't make my mind grasp the thought that this is for me. FOR ME! I don't know why it won't. Then I realized I haven't even given the man an answer yet. All I been doing is rabbing on about the necklace and other things. Not good.

"Yes!" I whispered softly.

I hugged him tightly almost falling off the bed in the process on him, but he caught me. Letting me sit on his lap, before he rose up and put me down gentle on the floor moving behind me slowly to put my necklace on. Ok it's official I'm his girlfriend, this is a real relationship. Right? Heck right now I can't really think of anything at the moment, I'm in so much shock. Randy's hand on my shoulder made me turn around to face him slowly as he kissed passionately, I think the kiss lasted for about five minutes longer than it should, but whose complain right? Dang it we've kissed twice and I haven't even brushed my teeth, I bet he's like dang she has morning breath.

After we pulled away I spoke softly not wanting to break the moment, but this has to be done.

"I'm going to go take a shower and brush my teeth."

"Okay baby." He said sweetly.

I moved forward grabbing a pair of blue jean shorts and a snoppy short from my closet, before exiting the room to take a shower. When I entered the bathroom and finally shut the door, I let out a huge sigh and a small squeal to myself almost exploding from excitement. That's when a thought hit me like a brick wall, Michelle probably knows about last night because Tyler. Dang it, I got to call her today, I can't let myself forget. I need to hurry up and take a shower then brush my teeth, so I can spend the day with Randy. I quickly undressed and hopped in the shower letting the hot water wash over my back to relax the muscles.

I don't how long I was in the shower, before I realized the hot water quit and Randy would have to wait for it to heat back up. Dang it. So without any further delaying, I brushed my teeth and made my way out to the bedroom hearing his soft voice on the phone.

"I'll see you soon Sam, yeah I love you to. No I'm not cheating, John's just mad because I won a bet that's all. Yes I love you to ok bye."

I stood at the edge of the door trying to find some reality point where I believed his pack of lies and then tried to find some way to keep myself together. I don't think angry and pain are a very good mix, but right now I'm leaning toward angry more than pain. It might have a better reaction to him, heck I don't but here goes nothing. I braced myself for what lays ahead of me slowly wanting an answer for all my questions. I'm about to get them all answer. I think.

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	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I can feel my whole world falling all over again now, badder than the last time and a new pain rose inside my heart making me let the tears fall down my cheeks for him to see the pain that he caused by telling me a lie. This just proves how much he doesn't care and how Michelle was right like she always is. I just wonder how much enjoyment Randy got out of all this, to see me hurting and missing him. I bet it was the pretty funny huh? Maybe I should just go ahead and finally ask him with the all other questions I have seemed to pile up in my mind over time.

I spoke with so much fury in my voice that if i had a knife or something I'd probably kill him right here and I wouldn't care for the moment.

"WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?"

Its a simple question that needs a straight and honest question. I knew somehow that he won't give me one, he'll make something up to try and smooth things over when really he loves her the most. Something inside me knows that, but I won't let it through my walls. I'm can't, I know that I'll lose him in the end and she'll win. What does she have that I don't have? A better family, rich like him, more prettier? I didn't ask him to help me, he decide that on his own.

"I have to pretend with her until the divorce papers get through to her, I have still haven't said anything to her." He said gentle trying to come closer to me, but I stepped back slowly still giving us some room to be apart.

"You're still lying to me Randy!" I screamd with much more fury in my voice this time, almost scaring myself. This ain't me, I'm the calm one in this kind of situation. I always have been. I guess I'm over the whole lying to me and hurting me. I think I got a sentence across my forehead or something that says really easily hurt.

"NO I'M NOT CAROLINA!" He said matching my voice with the same fury letting the redness calm his face. All the relaxation and calmness are long gone.

"I can tell when you are. So what's with her huh?"

"What you mean?"

"Well it looks like I'm not good enough, my family's not good enough, I;m not rich like you and her, or is it that I'm not pretty enough?" I asked a little calmer now.

"Baby you're perfect in every way that's why I left her?" He said gentle without all the fury in his voice.

"Stop lying to me Randy." I said slowly tired of being angry.

"I'm not Carolina."

"Just tell me the reason that's all I want from you, the truth this time no more lies." I said in a soft whisper letting the pain make the room feel cold now.

"You are just something for me to use. I don't feel anything toward you really. I love Sam."

I felt my heart stop beating for a moment trying to make sense of what he just said. I was just being used, I should have this coming a mile ahead of time. I don't know why I didn't, I guess I got hooked to his charm and I needed him too much to let him go. Is that even making sense? To me I think it does.

"Just get out and don't call me or come back no matter." I said tiredly again before walking out of the room quickly, down the hall, and then to the bathroom shutting the door. I don't have the strength to stand any longer so here goes nothing. I fell slowly on the tile floor leaning my back against the door letting my tears fall down both my cheeks slowly and letting my ears listen to Randy moving things around in the bedroom quickly.

Maybe I should just drive until I don't have any gas anymore and cut myself off from the world .Maybe that will be better for me, Live out in the wild until death decides to take me away from all this pain and heartache that I don't want. I want my feelings for him to go away, my love, and my heartache to go away also. I can make it I think after a while, take time away from things and try to clear my head. The last part seemed to not even click with my heart or mind. It's probably not an option anymore. I doomed to this life of pain and misery, I'm never ever going to find the right person for me. He might not be out there.

My thoughts stopped for a moment hearing the front door close quickly and then a few more minutes later his hummer started. I felt like I should go and try to talk to him. After what he said to me, this time I'm not. He said it to painfully, it's like he was sticking a knife through my heart and watching me die slowly. That's how hard this whole relationship has been on me. I don't want to sit here until I can't cry anymore.

So after about two hours of crying not stop, I got up weakly and went to my room dropping on my bed before I cried a little more and screamed into my pillow letting the angry part out of me. I hate him so much! Then I love him that much more everytime I think about us. I guess my wall needs to be brought back up to be safe. I finally stopped and let sleep calm me wanting to be out of the world for a short period of time .

I woke up to the sunshine and a loud knocking on my front door also. The knocking seemed just a little irrating to me personally, but I got up anyway slowly not bothering with my flip flops as I walked out of my room and over to the front door opening it quickly to see John Cena standing with his back to me looking I guess across the field maybe I don't know and right now I don't really care. All I want to do is watch romance movie, cry, and go back to bed. I cleared my throat letting him know that I had opened the door and wanted to know what he wants at this time of morning. He turned around slowly showing his foot ball jersey with his number on the back and front.

"Can I help you?" I asked tiredly.

"You must be Carolina right?" He asked happy.

"Yes, what can I help you with?" I asked again tiredly and a little angrly.

"Well, I came to see how you were doing, Randy has talked to much about you in a good way." He said nervously.

"And in bad ways to I bet." I said in a soft whisper.

""I didn't hear anything bad. He said you were the calmest and sweetest person on earth." He said gently.

"That's a shocker." I said slowy.

"I came by to see if you wanted to maybe hang out later as friends." He asked a little nervous.

I waited a few seconds considering this, friends couldn't hurt right? I mean what's the harm in all this. Nothing really if we're both honest with each other. Gosh I already sound like we're together or something. Maybe this can help in so many ways take my mind off Randy.

"Yeah sure, we could hang out here if you want. I'll make dinner and you can bring some movies if you want to." I said excitedly.

"Yeah sure. Around 7:30?" He said with a smile.

I nodded slowly allowing a smile to form on my face in front of him for a moment before he walked away. I shut the door quickly running to my room and jumping on the bed and thats when I finally realized the necklace that I hadn't taken off. I moved my eyes down to the diamonds that circled around the heart shaped neckalces. My mind wanted to take it off and throw it in the garage, but my heart wants to keep it on forever seeing as how it's the last thing he gave me. I guess it stays on.

I stared at the necklace for a few more seconds before my mind reminded me that I have a ton of stuff to do today like pay my bills, go grocery shopping and get gas for my car. Something inside me wanted to just lay in bed and cry, but that won't help the healing process begin. I guess nothing will. Will it ever begin? That's the real question that needs an answer.

I finally just got off my bed and grabbed a pair of light blue jeans and a tank top, before going in the bathroom and taking a long 30 minute shower. I brushed my teeth slowly avoiding the mirror totally. Maybe if I do I won't see the pain of losing Randy in my eyes. Maybe he's called me dang it I forgot to check my phone. After I brushed my teeth, I walked over to my phone on the coffee table slowly grabbing it. I'm a little nervous, what if he hasn't called me? What if he has? Alright just breath, it's ok either way. He doesn't need me anymore, he's not good enough for me. Yeah, i'm too good for him. I tried to make myself believe that, but it wasn't working as I fell back on my couch letting the tears streamed down my face before I lit my phone up to see he hasn't called me. I felt my heart break just a little more.

Oh well I need to get my head straight and move on. I guess this going out to shop and pay bills is a good thing maybe it will take my mind off things. I got up slowly wiping both my cheeks and took deep breath. I released the breath slowly feeling my insides calm down as I walked over to my tennis shoes and I slipped on my socks then my shoes slowly, before grabbing my purse. I headed out the door strong as I could be hoping I wouldn't break down and start crying.

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	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I finally got home from running my errands that seemed to be more than I expected them to be, if I got one thing finished something else popped up. I also found out that Randy closed the bank account we had together without even telling me. I guess that's his way of getting his revenge for right now. I should just call his wife and tell her that he did indeed have an affair, but still loves her enough to stay married. He just wants someone on the side when his home life gets difficult. Something in my heart tells me I will when I least expect it. That's cool I guess I mean it'll help me keep my guard up all the time and around John. What am I even doing hanging out with him tonight? I don't even know myself, I guess it's to try and keep my mind off Randy. This feels like a good thing can come from this though, maybe it's my turn to have a nice happy ending. I can possibly make everyone else happy knowing that I'm not going around with a married man. Everyone gets what they want expect me right? I guess that's how life goes now days for me.

I started putting the food in the bags where they go slowly before I heard the door bell ring once as I walked out of the kitchen to the front door. I felt excitement rise up in stomach a little making my heart pounding a little louder than normal before I opened the door to see...

John.

He had three full bags of movies, two bags with two boxes of popcorn in both bags, some water, and finally a twenty pack of mountain dew sitting beside his right leg. His face looked happy and excited at the same time letting the sparkle in his eyes become more brighter than ever quickly at the sight of me. I don't know whether to worry or be flattered in all truth. This is alot to take in right now, no one has ever really looked at me like this not even Randy. He told me he loved me and stuff, but deep down it wasn't true. I knew that, but I couldn't bring myself to realize that. Call me selfish because I didn't want to lose him. I guess I didn't realize that I never had him, Sam does. She always will because he's her soul-mate and I'm not. I have to put that in in my heart and mind to make myself try to start the process of getting over him. Hopefully it won't take forever, but I have a feeling this won't be easy on me or John at that if things go there. I'm already planning ahead and everything. Let's not plan ahead and take things slowly. If we're do get to that level.

His voice rang out in a soft laughy tone making me look back up at him and put a nice smile on my face.

"You gonna invite me in or are we going to hang on the front lawn?"

I laughed moving a side letting him come in as I grabbed the bags from his hands and walked to the kitchen setting them down on the counter. I moved over to the other bags that I was unloading, before John go there trying to find something to keep my mind from wondering and wanting him to come in here. Maybe conversation will be good right? It can't hurt to learn a few things about each other.

Just as I thought, he popped in bringing the water and sodas over by the back door sitting them in the corner slowly ,before coming over to the counter where I was putting somethings in the cabinet. I can feel his eyes on me trying to figure out how he got here I guess. Who knows what guys think about. I don't want to know either. It's to be in the dark about that.

"How was you flight here?" I asked nervously.

"It wasn't too long." He said cooly.

"That's nice." I said nicely.

"I didn't mean to come too early, it's just I got done at the gym and I took a shower then by the time I looked at the clock it was still early. I can't stand the fact that I'm almost always going to be away from you. I don't like that feeling and I know what you've been through. This isn't anything to be rushed we can start out at friends and then when your ready a couple. I just don't want to be away from you." He said in a soft whisper.

"You don't even know me that well." I said shocked.

"I can see that Randy hurt you even though you've tried to hide it from the rest of the world and I can see how much you'll be struggling in the future without him. You don't have to with me." He said slowly.

I can feel my entire head spinning quickly also I feel like I'm going to faint any minute now This is too much right now. I don't what to say to him, maybe silence will help. I feel like I'm finally getting my happy ending and nothing else matters not even Randy. This is way to fast though, I mean we just met this morning. It feels like a one time thing you know, one minute he can be here and the next he can be gone. The bigger issue is what if I can't fall in love with him. What if I'll never feel the same about him that I do Randy. There's nothing to build on in a relationship like that and there's no happiness for the other person. Love is magically when two people boht love at the same time. Its when two people hold up a relationship not one person. I want love that can be held up by both and a love that is so strong nothing in the world can break us apart. Something urged me forward to try this out slowly as friends and then see where it takes us like he said.

"Alright friends." I said with a smile on my face.

We spent the next few hours talking and cooking the kitchen. We talked about our likes and dislikes, our families, etc. It was a nice normal conversation that didn't involve talking about my relationship status with Randy is or what time Randy's plane's gets here. I missed this type of conversation, he never judge me to. All the choices I've made with my life, judgement has always stuck with me letting people's thoughts about me sink into my mind and make me worry alot more than usually.

"Are you ok?" He asked concerned.

I moved my eyes from the counter top seeing a few tears fall from my eyes as I wiped them away quickly. I hope he didn't see that, but something inside me told me he did and now he feels bad even though he didn't do anything to me. This is all Randy's fault, no one else's expect his. It makes me so mad that he just don't care about us. I don't mean to stay on the subject, it's just I cared about how we're were going down hill slowly. I also care about what happens to him. I guess I'll always care for him. he won't me thought and in some way I understand that, but it just hurts to know that.

"Yeah just lost in thought." I said with a smile to him before going over to stir the mac n cheese.

"So what do you think about my idea?" He asked leaning on the outside counter top looking at me.

"What idea?" I asked slowly.

"You traveling with me as friends of course." He said nervously.

"Isn't it a bit early for that?" I asked checking the chicken cassrole.

"Well it might be, but I told you I can't stand the thought of being away from you though. I've never ever felt this way, it's like you're perfect in everyway for me. I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I also don't want to worry about you being here all alone and someone breaking in on you. I'd feel much better if you were on the road with me, where I know you're safe." He said sweetly.

"I'm far from perfect. I've spent plenty of time here by myself." I said slowly.

"Well that was before we met. I'd feel happier knowing you're safe with me on the road than a thousand miles away where you might be harmed or something." He said in a soft whisper.

"I'm like a stranger though." I said loudly.

He didn't say anything this time, he just started coming closer with his eyes looking sweetly at me as I turned around completely waiting for what he's about to do. I feel like my body is frozen and I can't move at all. This would be really bad if a bear got after me. I'd be like Ok I'm going to die now right before-.

In mid sentence I felt his lips on mine as his hands went down to my waist pulling me a little closer to him as my arms wrapped around his neck. Oh my gosh, I never expected this from him in some ways, but in other ways it's what I wanted and expected if that makes any sense. The kiss feels sweet and nice with all his feelings intact to. I honestly don't know what else to say about this kiss.

We pulled away slowly, but just an inch away from each other. I can feel his hot breath that smells minty fresh by the way on my lips slowly.

"Please travel with me." He said in a soft pleading whisper.

""Fine." I said in a nice whisper.

"Ok we pack later and I'll book the flights tonight after dinner." He said quickly giving me a peck on the lips.

"Wow. Should I re-think about this or just go ahead and try the realtionship out? What's the harm in trying right? No harm, I guess it's worth a try to see if I can finally get over Randy and start a new life with John. Maybe this is where my life begins to fall into place slowly. I still have to talk to John about if we're together or not. Why do I feel nervous? There's nothing to be nervous about right? This is ok. There'snothing going to happen. We're just going to talk.

Letting the thoughts go for right now, I finished dinner in time and made mine and John's plate as we spent another hour talking about different things, but and how things went down with him. It wasn't something that I felt comfortable talking about, but it did need to all out there for John to let him know this isn't going to be a piece of cake. I don't even know if he realizes that or if he's token the time to sit and think about all the problems we're going to have in the future. It's alot to think about for all the pros and cons of a relationship. Espically this kind of relationship because I knew Randy has more things planned than closing our account out. He plans to make me suffer trust me on this.

I moved up slowly out of my seat taking the dishes in the kitchen to have them washed off and put in the diswasher. I can feel John following me slowly knowing something's wrong. I guess all my thinking is really showing even though I don't mean to over anaylsis things. I want to make sure everything goes smoothly for me and him, I don't want things to be rocky or get to the point where we can't save us. I want us to be problem free, but its going to take a miracle for that to happen. I haven't ever heard of a relationship not having some problems. Its not something you can dodge I guess. I wish it can be, but it's better to get through the problems than to just brush them away.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

"Are we together or not?" I asked straight forward.

"I want be." He said normally.

"You know that Randy is going to make me suffer and you if he sees your involved with me right?" I asked blankly.

"I understand that." He said shaking his head yes to.

"Closing that account is just the beginning with me, he trying to make me think I'm nothing without him." I said slowly.

"You are a wonderful perfect person and he can't change that." He said slowly moving over to me and moving my face to look at him him as he leaned his lips to mine giving me a sweet kiss on my lips re-asurring me that everything will be good.

"Whatever Orton has planned, we'll be ready together. There's no way I'm leaving you alone with all this. Understand?" He asked seriously.

I nodded slowly wrapping him in a tight hug trying to get the relief to settle in, but Randy's plans keep running through my mind. I guess I'm just scared of what he's going to do. I don't want John to get hurt either. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. I don't know anymore.

"Go get ready for bed, I'll take care of the dishes ok." He said in a soft whisper.

I nodded slowly moving into my room and grabbing my pjs, before I went into the shower. This was my moment to relax and not even let a bad thought in my mind. No matter what and no tears right now. It's better to keep them in hiding then letting them roll down my cheeks. So for the next 20 minutes. I took a long shower, brushed my teeth, and my hair before slipping out of the bathroom to see John laying down on the couch asleep and the entire kitchen spotless. Dang he must have gotten with it already. I also noticed his suitcase by the front door before I turned around to go in my room and pack. I packed all my clothes and some other things before setting the suitcase by the bedroom door and went back over to my bed slipping in slowly. I guess this is how my life is going to be, having fiffty/fiffty chance of seeing him in the arena or in the hotel. He might think I'm following him or something. I'm not though, but I don't think he'll believe me. What's the use in even trying to tell him that I'm not here for him, I'm here for John. I stopped my thoughts right there letting sleep come to me, I'm going to need all my strength for when we arrive at where everywhere we're going.

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	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

John shaking me softly made me open my eyes to the morning sun shining pouring in my window making me look that way before rubbing my eyes slowly and stretching finally making my way over to John who brought a stand table for bed in breakfast. Aw, this is really sweet.

"Mind if I join you for Breakfast?" He said with a smile on his face.

"I don't mind at all." I said laughing.

He gave me a smile before moving up off the bed and coming to the other side to sit by me slowly. Wow, this feels nice and weird at the same time, I guess I can say. Well lets see what we have here, Chocolate chip pancakes, grapes, strawberries, orange juice, and syrup. Looks and smells good.

"Where did you learn to cook?" I asked smiling.

"Cook book actually.." He said also smiling at me.

I laughed soft covering my mouth as I looked away to keep from making my eyes cry from all the tears and laughter.

"Hey don't laugh, those cooks are helpful in a time of need." He said in defense.

"Have you been studying them or just went by them this morning?" I said still laughing.

"Well I studied a little before I came to meet you." He said wiht a scratch to his neck looking down at the white sheets on my bed.

"Wow wanting to get everything perfect." I said with a sweet smile.

"I didn't want to meet you without knowing how to cook." He said laughing.

"What else do you do?" I asked popping a piece of pancake in my mouth as I looked at him slowly seeing the sparkle in his eyes that seemed to glow brighter every minute.

While I waited for an answer from him, I noticed how happy he makes me and how I can finally say that this is where I belong. I just can't love him because of Randy. I know that I can trust him, but something still scares me deep down inside of me to think that I'm acutally get hurt or something. I know ir's stupid to think that when he's such a good guy, but it's hard not to you know. When I look at him all I see is the perfect guy for me that I'm unsure about really.

"Well I can drink some beer and watch basketball or football. I can also spend more time with you to." He said slowly leaning down to kiss me.

Thinking about getting hurt made me pull away and the thought about Randy to. That's the truth right there. When I looked up at him, I saw how hurt I made him pulling away from the kiss. I didn't mean to really. I guess my natural instinct came to my head and pulled my lips away. Well, here goes nothing. I moved the tray into the floor slowly beside my side of the bed. Then I raised up slowly moving over to his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck making him look at me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered slowly really seeing the sadness in his eyes.

"Don't be, it's my fault really. I don't mean to rush you or anything." He said slowly.

"I just want to take things slowly you know." I said with a little hope in my voice.

"Deal." He said with a smile on his face that told me he's finally happy.

I feel like I made a great decision on this and that this is going to be a really great relationship in the end. This isn't going to be one like Randy's and mine was. John kissing my forehead made me look back up at him slowly and away from my lap that showed my shorts that I had forgotten to cover. Their tan and everything I just don't like showing them off. I don't know why, I just don't feel right walking around in public or in front of friends and family or boyfriend in shorts.

"So when do we leave?" I asked slowly.

"Well, we have to get to the airport, drop out bags off by the luggage area, then go to the airplane to find our seats. I'd say in thirty minutes." He said smiling at me before getting off the bed. He moved over to my side to pick up my tray slowly and then giving me a kiss on the lips that made my heart leap just a little.

Well here goes nothing. I removed the sheet from my legs and got up slowly out of bed stretching a little, before walking out of my room and into the bathroom seeing a pair of pants and white t-shirt sitting on the bathroom counter next to my toothbrush and toothpaste. I hate to walk over to see my reflection in the mirror now days since Randy left, I saw how much pain is in me though my eyes and I know everyone else can to .That makes thing double worse for me.

When I walked over to the counter seeing my reflection bright and glowing a little. Wow, I didn't expect that I guess. It's a good thing John's here right? To keep my mind off things and try to move on from Randy. I can move on from him, it's just going to take a little time. It's a healing process that I can deal with as long as I try to stay clear of Randy. I can also do that right?

I leaned my head down looking at the drain hole in the seek wishing that I can just be drain away like water is. Away from all this drama, worries, and everything else that's in my life. Something told me running away isn't going to solve anything, it's just going to keep building and building. Even though I don't really have the energy to sit and argue with Randy about how things shouldn't have went down. I know that meeting him will be interesting for him and me. It will be for him to make me suffer enough to miss him and make me want to come back to him. It will be for me because I'll be able to see how jealous he is and for him to see that I'm finally moving on from him.

A soft knock on the bathroom door made me release my thoughts and focus on John's voice.

"Hey you ok in there?" He asked concerned.

"Yeah sorry lost in thought." I said cheerfully.

"Alright hollar if you need anything." He said sweetly.

He walked away slowly without waiting for another word from me. I moved away from the mirror now going over to the shower and turning on the hot water, before undressing and hopping in. The shower made my thought process stop for fiffteen minutes, before returning when I got out and got dressed. I went back over to the mirror wiping off all the smoke that had cover the entire mirror like fog or something.

This time I didn't even look in the mirror, I just brushed my teeth, blowed dryed my hair, and brush it. Then I walked out a little nervous about this trip and a little excited to see Randy at the same time. I'm also happy because I get spend more time with John to and get to know him a little more. It's the time with John that really counts.

"John." I said loudly.

"Yeah." He said back at me.

"I'm ready." I said waiting the kitchen entrance looking all over the living room to see if maybe he went outside or something.

A few minutes later he came back in slowly re-adjusting his hat as he looked at me. He gave me a flattery smile, before speaking slowly.

"I just got the car loaded and I made sure everything is off around the house." He said.

"I turned off everthing in the bathroom before I walked out and I was going to get my bags, but someone had already taken them to the car." I said with a smile on my face.

"Well I don't want you to carry them out there. I can be a gentlemen to my lady." He said with a laugh.

"I can also carry them, I'm not that weak." I said smiling.

"Agreed." He said taking my hand in his as we walked toward the front door together. Something almost made me stop and stay, I feel like if I leave this house all the memories are going to be gone or something. I can't ever get them back. I can't handle losing those memories. My feet tugged me on though wanting all the memories, pain, angry, and everything else to be gone from my life completely.

John stopped me for a moment as he removed his hand from mine to lock the door. After he made sure that the door is locked, he grabbed my hand as we walked to his rented ford truck. It's a nice four door with the outside gray along with dark tinted windows. I guess for privacy and stuff like that. John removed my hand again slowly opening the door for me as I hopped into the passenger sit and waited on John to get in. I can feel my heart picking up quickly at the thought that I might see Randy.

"Are you ready?" He asked smiling at me as he buckled up.

"Yeah." I said carefully.

He grabbed my hand as we pulled out of my driveway and drove forward to the airport. The quietness feels nice right now. Well it does to me. The thoughts in my head came rushing back to me now letting me process each one carefully. Will I fall apart at the sight of Randy? Probably. Can I go head to head with him. Yes. Will things become more complicated for John and me? Probably. Can me and John make it through all this. I'm pretty sure we can.

Well this also great that I'm answering my own questions. It's really safe to say that I'm going insane slowly, but surely going insane. I shook my head softly looking out the window scared John might have saw that. He's probably did and is thinking I'm some kind of psyco or something. I wonder if he talks to himself. I bet everyone does right? I don't know, but all this thinking giving me a really bad headache.

So for the rest of the ride I sat there looking at the houses, the trees, the people, and the stores as we drove by them, before we hit the interstate to go to the airport and get on the plane. I'll be so glad when the plane ride is over, I hate airplanes and heights. I'm like the biggest chicken in the world trust me, I don't like heights, snakes, spider, scarey movies, needles, etc. I have to force myself to go to the doctor when needed. I wonder what John would think If told him that stuff. He'd probably think what have I gotten myself into. I'd wonder the same thing if I were him. That's probably one of the many reasons that Randy left me to.

"You can take your seat belt off we're here." He said slowly.

I unhooked my seat belt and looked forward seeing a ton of people everywhere, this place is worser than the mall on black friday. You can lost in this place and never be found. I wonder if people have been found in this maddess of traveling by air. It is the fastest way to go, but it is also very expensive to. I couldn't even buy a ticket to get back home if I went anywhere. It's better to stay home and watch movies of places I think.

John's door opening made me look his way as I watched him get a man come over and get our luggage to be put on the plane. Well nice service though. He opened my door slowy holding out his hand to me as I grabbed his hand, I also stepped out making sure that I won't fall or anything. That'd be my luck right there. I made it to the sidewalk alright, before we began to go through the maddess of the crowd to the plane. I just hope we get through this good.

We pushed and excused ourself more than a dozen time, before we finally made it to our gate and showed this brown haired girl that is flirting with John alittle, before he grabbed the tickets and my hand to go onto the plane to find our seats. Our seats are in coach in the middle right next to one another. John offered me the window, but it's better to decline and not get sick or scared in front of him. I don't want to think that I'm a chicken right away. That's the last thing I need to worry about now.

"Are you tired babe?" He asked in a whisper.

"A little." I said honestly.

"Well you can lean on on my shoulder and take a nap. I'll wake you up when we get there." He said sweetly.

"Where are we going?" I asked before I laid my head on his shoulder.

"New York." He said looking forward. 

I nodded before leaning my head on his shoulder and closing my eyes letting my entire body relax as sleep drifted into me. When I finally came to John soft voice and hot breath came in my ear making almost cringe away, but I kept cool as I raised up to stretch and rub my eyes.

"Good evening sleepy head." He said slowly.

I looked over at him slowly smiling at him for a moment, before the people started to get up making all my attention go to them. People were moving already getting their luggage and their kids hands, before they started down the aisle to get off the plane. John was still sitting down looking ahead as I moved back down in my seat slowly taking his hand in mine as I looked up at him.

"What's wrong?" I asked concerned.

"Hold on." He said before getting up and grabbing my hand to lead me off the plane and into the bigger crowded that continues grow at the New York City airport. I guess this place is open like twenty-four/seven or something. Doesn't people ever want to just stay home for once or something. I guess some people want to just travel all the time.

He lead me to this sitting area with all chairs and one couch. He brought me over to the brown leather couch that is cold by the way, I guess because of the air or something. I think they keep it on because people get hot from running and stuff, heck I don't know.

"I don't want you to leave me." He said truthfully.

"I'm not leaving you John." I said honestly.

I waited a few moments before speaking again letting what I just said to process. I'm not going to leave him, I'd rather be here in this kind of nice relationship, I feel like this is more happier here than I ever have been in my entire life. That matters to me the most in life.

"I don't want to be anywhere else in the world than with you. I don't also don't want to be with a married man." I said moving my hand under his chin to pull his face back up to mine, before I kissed him slowly on the lips.

He nodded slowly giving me a gentle smile that said he's fine now. I smiled even bigger at him, before we both got up and started off to baggage claim. I've always wonder how people can stand to wait for their luggage and then come to find out the airplane people lost their luggage. How do you lose luggage in the first place though. Its a true mystery.

"Here." He said sitting my suitcase and gym bag down beside each other.

"Thanks." I said waiting for him to get his.

A few seconds passed and then finally John's bag's came down the shot dropping right in front of him as he grabbed them slowly.

"Hey John."

We both turned around slowly see Randy standing there with his gym bag on his right shoulder and his suitcase in his right hand. His face gave off a questionable look for why we're here together.

"Hey man what's up?" John said slowly moving to shake Randy's hand.

"Carolina." Randy said staring at me with so many questions and thoughts that I didn't even see angry, just a light shade of jealous.

"Randy." I said slowly looking away from him.

I can do this, I can stand here in front of him and not cry. Maybe I can control this, I don't know. Even though I love this one man to death. Nothing can replace him no matter what, but it's time to atleast try. There's no harm in trying, I just hope this is the right thing to do. I don't want anyone to be affected by this in anyway.

"Meet you at the gym in half an hour John?" Randy asked walking away quickly.

"Yeah man." John said quickly.

Stop crying I screamed to myself trying to make sure that works, but I don't think anything will. Gosh! I hate him! I hate how he thinks that he's the man every girl wants and needs in their life. How he thinks that he's can have it all. I just want to kill him and get this pain over with.

"Baby you ok?" He said slowly.

I put my brave face and looked at him.

"I never should have dragged you in the middle of this problem, he's going to make my life hell and he's not going to stop until he's got me back where I was. He want's me to come back to him crawling and begging for forgiveness." I said slowly.

"Hey look. I don't care about being in the middle. I'm here with you. My beautiful, perfect girlfriend who by the way is still beautiful when's she crying. Let him do what he want's, Dave can tell us what he's got planned." He said hugging me.

"What if he kisses me or something. What if I kiss him back?" I asked honestly.

John waited for a few moments trying to come up with the answer that made sense to both of us at the same time and also getting through to what he might do.

"Well I'm going tell you this, I do still care for you even if you cheated on me. I can't lose you. No matter what, I'm here." He said in a soft whisper.

I nodded slowly kissing him on the lips and hugging him tightly, before we both took our bags and headed outside to find a cab to go to the hotel .Then I realized something. What if everyone knows that I'm the other girl? What will they think? What if they ask me? What do I say? What if they look at me like I'm a bad person or something? Oh my gosh ok this is the time for a real freak out moment.

Then I looked over at John and saw how happy he is that I'm here and every emotion and thought about people and Randy faded away for that brief moment that I saw how happy and calm his life is with me .This makes everything change in an instant. So I stopped all my thoughts as we waited for the cab and we drove to the hotel. Only then when I saw some divas standing in the far left corner did I start to panic. Ok I can do this. I'm that strong.

"Hey John." A girl's voice called out running toward us with her long blonde curly hair in a nice bun and a pretty smile on her face.

"Hey Kelly." John said smiling.

"Whose this?" She asked excitedly.

"My girlfriend Carolina." He said happily.

"Hi I'm Kelly." She said sending out her right hand as I grabbed her right hand with my left hand to shake.

"I'm Carolina as you know." I said making us both laugh.

"Babe I'm going to get us a room ok." He said before walking over to the check in desk.

I nodded slowly trying to calm my nerves that have are on high alert right now. This is so bad, this thought never crossed my mind until now. Why now? That's what I want to know. No answer came to my mind. Great!

"Are you ok?" She asked concerned.

"Yeah sorry just nervous." I said shyly.

"You're not Sam though." Kelly asked puzzled.

"I'm the other one that Randy might have talked about." I said honestly.

"It's cool everyone feel for his charm." She said laughing with me before John came back over taking my hand in his.

"Hey Kel we're going to head up to our room alright." John said quickly.

"I'll talk ya'll later." She said walking over to three other girls.

We started off to the elevators quickly seeing how nervous I am and then when I looked at John I saw how nervous he is. This made me almost laugh, but I stopped myself bracing myself for what I'm about to say.

"I don't think coming here is a good idea maybe I should just go back home." I said quickly.

"What happened?" He asked concerned.

"Everyone knows that I'm the other woman that Randy was cheating on his wife with. That makes me look so bad. It also makes me look like a slut." I said sadly.

"You aren't and don't worry about what they say." He said giving my hand a gentle squeeze as we boarded the empty elevator.

I nodded slowly leaning on his arm trying to let the words sink into my mind and have no further thought, but the words didn't help. All I want to do is crawl in a dark room and never come out again. I'll probably die, but thats ok.

The elevator dinged slowly as we got off and walked down our hall hand in hand. I felt a little electricity flow in our touches now days that made me feel alive around him even through all the drama and emotions. I feel safe and secure with him to. We stopped at our room as he swiped the card through the slot and the door opened slowly. He allowed me to go first as I put my bags by the door and went over to the couch to sit.

"I'm going to go ahead and get some gym time in, but I'll be back in an hour or two no less I promise." He said coming over and kissing me, before he went in the bathroom with his suitcase to change real quick. Well this can give me some time to watch tv I guess.

A few minutes later...

John came back in full dressed in a nice black jogging outfit and a dark pair of sneakers. I had to laugh it's to funny not to though.

"Here's the extra door key incase you leave." He said before leaning down and kissing me romanticly.

When he pulled back I nodded as he turned and left slowly walking out the door leaving me to flip through more and more channels until a few minutes later another knock came on the door making me stop at the car races. I got up slowly off the couch and moved over to the door to open it.

Randy.

"You got a minute?" He asked questionablely.

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	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"I don't actually have any time to spare I'm meeting someone downstairs in a few minutes." I said trying to make sure he believes me.

He waited a few minutes, before answering me. He's seeing if I'm telling the truth or not. Maybe he'll see through my blind spot and I can stop hearing my heart beating loudly or my tears about to fall down my cheeks.

"Your lying." He said with a smiling.

"Aren't you suppose to meet John at the gym." I asked rubbing my forehead.

"He can wait." He said moving past me.

I shut the door shaking my head slowly, before turning around to see him sitting on the couch with his elbows on both his knees. His eyes told me this time everything has changed in him. For how long though? How long will he keep this new him alive? A fews days? Weeks? Months? I doubt the months. What's the point in trying to figure out problems that doesn't even really matter to anyone anymore.

"You look good." He said quietly.

"Let's skip all the this and get to the point. What do you want?" I asked in a snappy tone.

"I miss you this time I really mean it. Baby look I can finally leave my wife." He said standing up slowly.

"Get out!" I said pointing to the door.

He waied for a moment, before he started over to me, I froze suddenly wanting to feel his touch. His lips to mine, my arms around his neck pulling him as lose to me as possibly. This feel isn't right I know that somewhere deep inside. I can't stop my heart skip beats or pounding so loud in my ears that every other sound is blocked out. I can move, I know I can.

"Don't push me away please." He whispered pleasingly.

"Why? You did me remember." I whispered waiting for a answer.

"I'm not the same person, after I left I realized that I keep letting my big head get in the way. Even though I don't mean to. I know I'm lazy, irrogant, and mean." He whispered eagarly.

"You also don't see how much it hurt when you left and John was there for me to cry on him if I needed to. He's wonderful. I don't really know how to explain things with him or how I feel about him right now. That's first for me. " I said stepping back.

"So this is it?" He asked cockly.

I waited for a moment trying to see if this is what I want or not? Is this the right thing to? Tear a family apart just for me to be happy? No my mind screamed, but my heart screamed different. Yes, my heart said. It's selfish I know. I can't help, but want him. To feet his touch on my skin, to feel his lips against mine. To feel his body connected to mine. To spend every moment as possibly together forever. I guess that's what Sammantha feels about him when they married.

"I guess it is." I said avoiding his gaze.

He waited for a moment letting my words be processed through his mind. Maybe he'll see that this is better for everyone involved. For his marriage, my moving on, and John's happyiness plus relief that Randy's not going to be in the picture. I think this is the better way to be happy for all of us. I mean it's a winning situation. Right?

"I just need to know one thing before I go." He said slowly.

""What?" I asked bracing myself for whatever he's going to do.

"Let me kiss you and if you don't kiss me back then I'll know this is what you want." He asked in a whisper.

"Just go." I said tiredly.

"You think I pushed you away." He said shaking his head.

"You did, it was always about you and how far you can get with me. I never saw that until you really showed your colors. You paid off my car and my house for reasons and now I know why. So you can get in my pants. You helped me buy food, pay my bills. Why? So you can get into my pants. You came around for one simple thing. To sleep around." I said braking out all the angry out that I have for him.

"I didn't only come around for that." He said slowly.

"Yes you did! You saw perfectly good chance to get to me and you took it. That's how cruel you are. Evolution made you this way and this isn't the guy I love anymore." I said. I clasped my hand over my mouth quickly as my eyes went wide at what I just told him.

His soft pink lips gave off a cocky smile showing his white teeth in full as his eyes showed that he knew that I loved him all along and just wanted to make sure I said it at loud.

"I knew you still have feeling for me. I still have so many feelings for you to." He said coming closer again and this time I don't have the energy to move anymore. I can't stand the pain that forms in my chest when I see him and I know that we're done. I can't also stand the thought of John being gone from my life. I love how he lights up when he sees me or kisses me. I love how I know he's here when I need him instead of being half way across the world with someone else.

"If you did you would have left your wife along time ago, but I don't want that. I'm not the kind of person to make you leave your wife. I'm the person to move on and find someone who's ready to commit. Make a life together." I said moving away from him. I also toward the door counting my steps trying to hold back my pain and tears in the process. I can't let myself break in front of him, it's like he's won if I do and I don't want him to see me like this.

"I don't get you minute you want me to leave my wife and then the next you want me to stay with her! What you want me to do just tell me and I'll do it for you." He said angry.

"I can't be with someone like Randy, you froze our account making sure I didn't get out any money that is half of mine by the way. I had to borrow some money from my mom to pay my light bill, get some food and get gas. I didn't ask for that, but it would have been nice to have my money back. You only think about how far you can get ahead at something." I said even madder than him as I drew closer now.

"This is what this is all about money!" He said turning red.

"This is about how you left me, lied to my face, and tried to play it off. Randy I know that your going to make me pay and now that you see John with me, I'm not the only one who's going to pay." I said slowly.

"I want you back!" He said angrily.

"Too bad!" I said walking quickly over to the door and opening it for him to leave as I looked straight ahead at the mirror at myself. I almost let a tear drop fall down my cheek, but I quickly blink them away before Randy sees them.

He mumbles something underneath his breath before he walks over to the door beside me as he looks down at me. I want to look up, but my heart won't let. The pain seems to much to bear right now and I don't think it's going to go away for a while. I can handle that right? I mean John's here and he already said he's not going anywhere.

"I'll get your money and give it to you tomorrow at the arena meet me at the catering at 8:30." He said sadly before he walked away.

I nodded quickly looking back into the room as I closed the door and let the back of the door help me slide down to where my knees calm up to my chest in a protective way allowing my forehead to rest on my knees to help me have some balance atleast as my tears fall from my cheeks and I finally cry harder than I have in a long time acutally. I cried harder than the night before last. I don't want this, to hurt or cry. To walk around knowing at any moment I can just give out and let Randy win. That the healing process seems so far away from me and no matter how much I try to fight things. I can't seem to make myself start to heal either. If I stay like this I know that I can keep the memories with me forever and not be afraid to let them go. If I don't stay like this I can finally move on and be with John. What can I do? I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Nothing else seems to make sense to me anymore. No way around or out of this. I don't how I let myself get involved with Randy. I don't want know it's hurts to much to sit here and act like I don't love Randy. I do more than myself, I'd give my life to save him. I would do the same for John. The only difference is I don't love John. I like him alot, when I look at him I see a future that can be the happiest desicion in my life and that's what I want. To be happy and not have to worry about any problems. Is that to much to ask for? To be able to see Randy without coming close to fall apart all together? To be able to know that John can finally know how much I care for him one day and that I can't lose him either.

After more than an hour on the floor, I finally decided to pick myself up off the floor and walk into the bathroom. Well, I can take a small nap I thought to myself as I walked into the bahtroom to pee. After that I walked back into the bedroom slowly flopping down on the bed slowly. I let sleep drift into me allowing the world to faded away and dreams come alive inside me.

"Carolina." John said shaking me lightly.

I let my eyes open for a moment before closing them even quicker. I feel like I haven't slept in forever and I still need some, but If I sleep to long I might get a headache.

"Yeah?" I asked in a sleepy tone.

"Are you ok baby?" He asked concerned.

I waited a few moments before speaking a word as I rolled over to him leaning up on the pillow and his blues eyes full concern and worry inboth his eyes glowed in the dark. No need for a light. Should I tell him about Randy coming by? If I do then things could end really badly. If I don't then I'm keeping truth from John and that's not how things shouldn't start. I guess it's better to tell him and get it over with than start off down a bad road.

"I got something to tell you." I said in a scared whisper.

He waited for a moment before he nodded for me to go on. I need a big huge brown bag for my breathing right now because this is going to probably turn bad and I can't stand the thought of one of them getting hurt.

"Well Randy came by today and we had a talk." I said slowly.

"What about?" He said concerned.

"Money, him not leaving his wife, and you. I told him that I don't want to leave you ever. i'd rather be happy with you than in a life that has no real future with him." I said putting my palm to his cheek as he leaned into my touch before he kiss my wrist slowly.

"I love you." He said sweetly.

I looked at him slowly before raising up and looking around the room trying to find something to latch on to before things get more and more complicated. I feel like I can just disappear and no one will know where I am. Not even John. Maybe that's not a bad idea. It might acutally work.

"Don't say anything right now, I just want you to know that. No rushing or anything." He said rubbing my back before I finally nodded leaning into his chest and listening to his heart beat slowly right now. Then before I know it my head rose up and I leaned into to kiss him as he leaned the rest of the way making our lips meet. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his arms came around my waist pulling me closer to him as the kisses became intense and the night became full of so much passion and love that it's almost like a dream.

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	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I woke up about an hour ago, but my body couldn't bring itself to get up from the bed trying to make Randy get off my mind. It makes me even sadder when I'm suppose to be thinking about John instead. Ugh! I never should have started this. Maybe if I let right now and moved I can avoid all this drama. Plus save John from a bad heartache. I don't want to get John hurt, but knowing Randy thats the last thing on his mind. Not mine thoughm

Some part of me wants to just cry until i get sick, but the other part wants to just walk away from everything. Being alone is worth more than trying to be happy. I think that it's really the best choice in the matter. Only my heart won't let me walk away from both John and Randy. It's crazy and it makes no sense, but I want to be here for both of them. I can see Randy on a daily bases without letting Randy know about that. Plus I can see John. I don't know anymore about anything.

Without even a command my hands moved the cover off my legs and moved out of bed softly grabbing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt throwing them on. My legs walked quietly out of the bedroom and into the living room moving over to a window overlooking the street down below us. For once, I want a relationship with no drama involved. Is that so hard to ask for? How can I even let myself be here? I'm losing my mind slowly.

A small knock came at the door making my head turn around to the door letting my nervousness set in quickly. What if it's Randy? What do I say? What do I do? Hopefully my body won't freeze like it did yesterday. I can still remember John's face before he left and came back. It's burned into my memory. Plus how i let my i love you slip to Randy. I'm stupid.

Another small knock came on the door a little louder now as I moved my legs over quietly trying to hide my nervousness from the entire world. I don't even have the courage to look into the peephole, so I just opened the door taking a deep breath.

Randy.

He stood there with a sweet smile on his face standing his basketball shorts and a white wife beater. Along with sweet on his face and chest clearing this man has been to the gym. A small blue box big enough for a ring held his in right hand before he grabbed my hand with his free one bringing me out in the middle of the hall. I grabbed the door knob pulling the door closed quietly, before turning my attention and attitude toward him trying to show that I'm not interested. Even though I clearly am. Which makes me a very bad person. I should just go back inside and forget him. Yes. That's the right thing to do. I'm the person that does the right thing.

Only my heart leaped for what's inside the box. For him to ask me the question that I needed to hear before everything went crazy and we ended. This is what I also want. To be able to say that I'm Mrs. Orton. That would make everything perfect. John though. I can't bear to see him hurt or I can't stand the thought of Randy and his wife fighting. I guess the answer is no.

"I've missed you." Randy said in a soft whisper.

My voice almost whispered that I missed him also back, but it's better to keep things to myself around him. I can't really afford to let another thing slip like eariler. That's something that shouldn't have been let out. Ever. In some ways that might have helped me in the long run. Since he knows that I love him and I do. Then he might not try to make my life a living hell. But then I have a feeling as long as John's in the picture, he'll make everything a mess.

"I have get back Randy." I said slowly turning around to the door letting a tear fall quickly down my cheek, before dropping to the maroon carpet in the hall.

Only something holds me back not wanting to walk away from him. I never have since we met. That's what kept me around even though I knew we couldnt have a real relationship, still though being with him was enough for me. It still might be. I don't know about that right now. I do know that I still want him no matter what. All things come must come to an end though. Here's me walking away.

"I can't do this anymore. Before I would have just been cool with how things were, but now things are different. You've got a wife and a kid. That should have warned me off right there, but no. I let your charm in knowing that things couldn't ever be the same as a real relationship. It wasn't a normal relationship that I wanted. I wanted the relationship where we could have walked through the park holding hands, laughing in the movie theatre together, having a nice dinner at a nice resturant together and maybe running into someone we both knew. Did you ever think that or was your mind set on how far you get with the lies? Was the day of the wedding when you could have finally told me you couldn't get married? You only think about the ones that need it the most. I know that and half of me knows that, but the other half is jealous of that fact. I can't offer you all the things that Sam can offer you. So goodbye bye Randy." I said looking straight at him now.

"Wait what you mean offer me things you can't? He asked puzzled.

"Well, I thought I was pregnant one time and I went to the doctor. If I ever become pregnant that's a very high chance I won't make it through the deliever. I'd rather have the baby be born than you pick me. Knowing you that's not going to happen." I said sighing.

He waited a few moments looking up at the ceiling processing and mumbling something that I couldn't understand. Then he turned pissed within an instant, I can understand why he's mad really. I didn't really tell him the truth, but when did I have the time. It was like a routine. One thing he wanted even though he doesn't want to admit.

"When were you ever going to tell me?" He asked finally looking down at me.

"I don't know. We never really had time to sit and talk." I said shrugging my shoulders.

This time he shook his head while placing his hands on both sides of his hips. I don't know if he's still mad or getting madder. There's a huge difference there, the last time he got to the point where he couldn't control his anger a hotel room got jacked up. He called me from John's phone instead of calling his wife. That's what John said. John wouldn't lie.

"Do you understand that I could have gotten you pregnant?" He asked still pissed.

I nodded slowly looking down at the hall to my left avoiding his eye contact because I know it's going to make me feel even worse than I do now. That's all I need to crumble right in front of him. This is just getting even worser every minute I stand here, but I can't seem to move.

"Yes, but you didn't." I said coolly.

Then suddenly his hands came off his hip to ball in fists as his lip curled back trying to control his anger and words at the moment with every ounce in him. Me and my big fat mouth. Ugh!

"That's not the point you lied to me." He said through his teeth.

"News flash Orton you have to me more times than I can count." I said getting mad.

"Have you told John?" He said quickly.

I stayed quietly letting the silence answer my question as my eyes dropped to the carpet trying to keep myself in control of my emotions at the moment. I can't cry in front of him. I won't cry in front of him.

"Well have you slept with him?" He asked blankly.

"That's not of your business." I said even madder this time.

"Damn it, Carolina!" He said getting almost in my face.

"Stay away from me." I said tiredly.

I turned my body back around to go in the door and away from Randy, but his hand came on my wrist pulling me gently back to him. I faced him head on this time as his lips dropped down to mine almost leaving an inch apart. I felt his hot breath lips as well and that's when my body froze completely. It feels like it's been frozen forever. Dang it. Beofre I knew my lips met his in a passionate kiss dragging my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me this time as his hands landed on my hips to keep me from falling.

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I'm so sorry for the late chapter and for it being a little to short. Its been super crazy at my house, but I'll try to make it longer next time.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

My heart stopped feeling his lips on mine for what seemed forever, but only a couple of days. Even my skin tingles with his touch even through the t-shirt. My walls have fallen down around me that I've built to keep him out. Somehow I don't care right now just being wrapped in his arms is worth everything. Not even John crossed my mind at the moment. Suddenly Randy pulled away slowly just an inch though, still everything in me needs to feel his lips on mine.

"Don't be mad at me babe please?" Randy asked in a whisper.

I waited a few moments before answering considering my options here. I need this so much and I know how wrong this is. He's married and has a family, he's not suppose to be fooling around. I wouldn't want him fooling around either. Something inside me craves for his touch, his lips, his presence. Like a drug that I can't shake. I'm sure I don't want to either.

"I can't be mad at you. I just don't want to go through this." I whispered sadly.

"Then don't, just be with me." He whispered excitedly.

"It's not that simple." I whispered moving arms away from his neck and placing them on his chest slowly.

"Yes it is." He whispred grabbing my hands in his.

"How?" I asked in a serious tone this time.

"Just say yes. I can get the divorce papers going and we can get a place together its so simple baby." He said smiling.

"It's not that simple Randy, you lie all the time. I can't even trust you." I whispered looking to my left.

"Why not?" He said losing his smile.

I couldn't tell him for a moment saving this moment for later when I need to think or remember how much his touch making my skin tingle lightly as does the electricity flowing through each touch. That's something that can't be missed no matter how much I've tried to block out him and the way he makes my skin feel alive.

"Your family, my family, Michelle, John. It's alot to take in and alot of drama." I said still looking to my left.

His first index finger came under my chin softly making my face turned my face toward him as his eyes showed so much excitement and love. My eyes connected to him like a spell that can't be broken. Ever. One that I hate in so many ways and Randy knows them. Even though he tried not to think about the reasons. I have to admit though, it's nice to know he thinks about me. I can see the honesty in his eyes and how much he cares about us. Really cares.

"I don't care about anything but you. I care about where you are, if your safe or not." Randy said in a whisper.

"You have a hard way of showing it." I said in a smug tone.

"What's that suppose to mean?"He asked moving back a little while giving me a question looked.

"You froze our account. I had to borrow money from my mom and my car almost ran out of gas. I don't drive a small car Randy." I said looking down releasing a sigh.

He didn't speak for what seemed forever, but is just five minutes. I guess he's trying to figure out what to say next to further our arguement. I don't feel like arguing with him anymore. I'm tired.

"Look it's late and I'm tired. I'm going to go ahead and go to bed." I said pulling away from him slowly.

His hands remained on my waist though pulling me back to him and a passionte kiss that seemed to make electricity go all over my body, this time making me feel like a million stars in the sky just shining brighter than ever. Brighter than the sun. I almost decided to just go with him, but I can't leave John.

"I'll come in the morning after John leaves for the gym." He said softly.

I could only nodded as he gave me a peck real quick, his hands slipped away from my waist. All though one hand came down to my right hand, before giving me his famous smirk. Makes all the girls fall head over heels for him. Including me, which is pretty sad if I might say so myself. Still I couldn't help it, he was charming.

I could only nodded as he gave me one more soft peck on the lips, before letting me go. His faced looked excited and sad at the same time. Excited to be able to kiss and hug me, but sad for leaving me until tomorrow morning. I don't know what to feel. Maybe I should just tell him how things are going to go. I don't want to be with him, around him, touch him, kiss him. I hope I can keep a straight face while I'm talking him. That's the only thing worrying me also telling John. What am I going tell him? Oh by the way I techinally almost made out with Randy in the hall last night. Oh yeah this is going to be a piece of cake.

When my mind came to it's senses, I found myself in a cold hallway by myself. So I turned around giving a glance one more time down the hall where Randy toward his hotel room. I wonder what he's doing right about now. My guess is his usually thing. Trying to wake up the girl who is in his bed. Oh well...

I opened the door slowly looking straight at the bedroom entrance seeing John still in the bed. Well, that's one relief. I think. I moved into the room quickly not even stopping, my legs bounded for the bathroom quickly closing the door and sitting on the toliet letting my tears fall down each cheek showing my hurt and pain. How can i still love him after he's lied to me and has been so mean to me. I don't want to love him anymore, all I want is to be happy with John. Love him forever and ever. No one else, but him! Ugh! I'm gonna drive myself crazy with this guilt and love stuff.

A small knock came on the bathroom door followed by John's soft voice.

"Baby are you ok?"

I waited a few minutes trying to clear my throat, but I couldn't this time. The tears and pain have made it too hard to even try to seem normal. Like all the pain and suffering have gone away. Only they haven't. They're instead consuming me whole everyday since me and Randy broke up.

The door knock turned and click slowly before John's head appeared staring down at me slowly with his blue eyes half asleep, but still concerned. He hates it when I cry, I know he does. I can't seem to help it this time. So I shook my head and put my left hand up to stop him from coming closer. Only that didn't stop him, he took my hand softly in his interwining our fingers as he leaned down beside me. His right hand moved my legs gently toward him as my face fell down over the sides of my face showing little evidence of my tears. I hope my hair would.

"What's wrong?" He asked in a gentle whisper.

I waited a few moments trying to get my emotions in order, it might help atleast a little if I try to.

"Randy kissed me and I kissed him back." I said before crying even harder this time and dropping my head in my hands letting my tears come out of my eyes and down my cheeks a little harder this time. I know my entire face is red from crying.

A few minutes passed and John said nothing, he didn't move either. I wonder what he's thinking. Maybe that I'm a hoe. I'm no good to him anymore. I need to leave. Theres a million thoughts running through my head that are possibly things he could be thinking. Maybe I should leave, I mean I'm only causing him problems each minutes I spend with him.

"I love you." He said smiling.

I looked up at him momentarily forgetting my tear stained red face. The way his words sounded made my skin suddenly warm and my heart started skipping a beat as my eyes stopped crying. His movement came slowly as his arms slippped under my knees and my arms came around his neck as my lips met him in a passionate kiss. Everything between us seems at peace now. No problems can ever really come between us and I get that. I love that feeling, I didn't have that with Randy.

John laying me gentle on the right side of the bed made me look to his face still sparkling with the site of me. Dang, I never in my life seen this, before. It's amazing and loving at the same time. I feel like my heart is finally starting to let himself love him. This makes me feel easier in away because then Randy won't be in the picture with all the drama following him, but also sad to because of all his sweet words. I will say it's nice to know that Randy thinks about me. I thought he only thinks about his self. Maybe that's why he's trying to change. I don't know. I do know that I don't want to be in between him and Samantha. So tomorrow morning I'm going to go ahead and tell him that there's no more contact between us or anything like that.

"What are you thinking about?" John whispered in my ear.

"Well, actually us. I do love you. I think it's too soon, but it's perfect timing I think. We can remember one thing about this." I said holding back a laugh.

"What's that?" He whispered holding me a little tighter.

"You told me you loved me in the bathroom." I said before laughing.

John's chest moved to telling me that he's laughing as my head laid on his chest and my mind wanted to sleep. So I let sleep consume trying to focus on something else besides tomorrow morning and dealing with Randy. That's gonna be a real treat.

_The Next Morning..._

I woke the sun bearing in through the window on the left side of the bedroom and to a note on John's pillow. I rose up slowly picking up the paper and unfolding the paper gentle.

_"Hey baby I'll be back around 4:30. I left you a credit card for shopping if you want to. I love you, John."_

I smiled softly before rolling over to where my end table was and sitting the paper gentle on top. I moved the cover over off my legs and got up quickly grabbing a nice pair of jeans, a dark blue tank top, and a black long sleeve shirt. My legs quickly moved into the bathroom starting the shower before going over to the counter and placing my clothes on top slowly. My eyes finally looked up in the mirror to see my reflection had a new glow in my eyes. Enough stalling, I have things to do. I moved away from the counter quickly before laying my dirty clothes in the hamper and jumping in the shower.

_15 Minutes Later..._

I got out of the shower slipping on my clothes and blowing drying my hair quickly before throwing my towl in the seperate hamper. A knock on the door made my stomach start to get sick and nervous all at the same time. Alright, I can do this. I keep saying that and it'll come true. Another knock came and this time my legs moved all by theirself. No command.

I moved quickly out of the bathroom, through the bedroom, and into the living room feeling like i'm about to just go puke. I need something to settle my stomach right now. I stopped at the door slowly reaching for the door knob and turning it slowly. When I opened the door Randy stood in front of me with his left hand on the door frame and his usually flashy smirk at me.

"Hey baby." He said leaning in to kiss to me. Only this time I moved away leaving his with his lips out as I walked back into the living room. I moved to lean back on the couch as Randy came into the room closing the door behind him.

"Alright what did I do this time?" He asked confused.

"Nothing." I said swiftly.

"Well please tell me why I didn't get a nice kiss from you back there?" He asked putting his arms over his chest.

"I can't do this, I'm starting to fall in love with John. I can't have you interfering in my life." I said looking away from him.

He came closer to me putting his hands on my waist slowly and bringing me up to him, before he gave me passionate kiss. My arms wrapped around his neck pulling him closer to me. Before I know it he removed his hands from my waist and moved down to my knees picking me up to his eye level not even breaking the sweet kiss. He moved forward going into the bedroom swiftly.

_An Hour Later... _

We lay tangled sheets all around us holding hands and smiling. Like no problems have ever really crossed our paths. No breaks, no wifes, no boyfriends. Nothing. Only I love John and this shouldn't have happened. I moved out away from him distancing myself from him as I wrapped the sheet tighter around my body.

I just gave him the look, before he nodded and got out of the bedroom to get dressed. I just moved into the bathroom placing my clothes on the counter and getting dressed.

_Next couple of days... _

I just went into a haze at what I did with randy until one morning my stomach got me and I started puking so much that I had to just make a sit by the toliet. John came in a few minutes later looking down at me sleepy and concerned at the same time.

"What's wrong?" He asked leaning down.

"I think I'm pregnant." I said in a whisper.

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	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

John sat down on the cold tile floor next to me grabbing my hand softly and giving me a gentle squeeze to try and make me say something. Anything, but I can't right now. All I can think of is if this baby's Randy's or John's. Omg I think I'm going be sick.

I rose up softly pulling my hair to the side and picking what feels like my entire guts up. Only when I leaned back I feel even worser than I did a few minutes ago. Along with throwing my hands up in the air at the moment and giving up on my life. This has been one heck of a day. I feel a real big headache coming on. This is all way too much for anyone and I don't know why this drama seemed to just cling to me like dog hairs or something. Haven't I had enough?

Then a light bulb seemed to turn on my head making me finally get the wheels turning in my head. I can just wait and tell John if Randy's the father, but I'll have to tell Randy that I'm pregnant. I have to also make him swear not to tell John. I can't handle that piece just yet. That's will also keep me on my toes at all times wondering if Randy's going to keep his word to me or not.

"What's wrong?" John asked putting his finger under my chin pulling my face that had fell to the cold tile floor up to his eyes again. So full of love and concern that this made me feel ten times worser than before.

"Yeah, um I just shocked that's all." I said rising up slowly and moving into the bedroom to sit on my side of the bed.

John came out a few minutes letting his shoulder lean on the bathroom door and both hands pulled behind his back. This time his face tried to show like nothing's wrong, but sadness showed in his face. I don't mean to be like this, but I don't know any other way to be right now. Loving would be on the top of my list right now. But, I feel way to bad about things to even look at him. I have to make myself do that. Looking at him makes me feel so worse that I can't even think about anything else.

"I'll run and get a pregency test ok." He said moving around the room throwing on a pair of blue jean knee pants, a black t-shirt, a fresh pair of socks, and the first pair of tennis shoes he could find. His movement seemed to be awful fast as he finally tied his other shoe, before raising up quickly and coming over to me. I braced myself for a kiss and tried to make myself seem normal, but I couldn't. The moments we're alone from now on won't be without me thinking of what I did to him. I cheated on him. Ugh! I just want to throw my head in my hands and cry until I don't have any tears left. I feel like everything is crumbing down around me and I don't have the strength to stop it. I don't have the will power to stand up for what I want. I'm to concerned about making everyone else so happy and never really giving me a chance to find what I want. I thought I wanted Randy, but right now I don't know. I need some time to myself. I need to figure out what my heart wants from this life. For me and the baby, maybe a walk would be great.

I rose up off the bed planting my feet gentle on the ground feeling the warm carpet sinking in between my toes as I moved forward to the bathroom not bothering with clothes at the moment. My top concern is to let my muscles relax and not think about a single thing. I moved over to the cabinet grabbing a towel and a washrag not bothering to look in the mirror either. I don't need to see my face and make me feel ever worser than I did a few minutes ago. I also don't want John suspecting anything. It's better to leave out the part of me cheating on him with Randy. Even though it was an aciddent truely on my part I don't know about him. I think It's best to wait and see who's the dad and then tell whatever needs to be told.

The shower's water hit my arm making me look down to see steam coming from the shower telling me it's time to hop in. So I undressed and took a long 15 minute shower trying to stall time afraid to take the test. Nervousness came rushing in my body along with pure worry. I don't what's worse how complicated my life is or baby daddy drama. I always see things on tv with stuff like that and I don't want that for my baby. I want a good healthy life for my baby. All the drama and stuff isn't in my plans. So if I have to, I'll raise my baby by myself.

A knocking on the door made me shut the water off and grab my towel off the hook quickly wrapping the towel around me. My voice spoke loudly.

"Come in." I said slowly.

John appeared through the door with a pregnnacy box in hand and a very nervous look on his face. Happy, but also nervous. I felt a little easier seeing the happiness that has appeared on his face. I gripped the towel as he came closer placing the box in my hand slowly. After I grabbed the box from him, he came around to stand beind me and place his arms securely around my waist before whispering in my ear slowly.

"Are you ok?" He asked concerned.

Tell the truth or lie? I can avoid the subject, I use to do that all the time with other people or just walk away. I think I'll take my chances on avoiding the subject.

"I got to grab a set of clothes from my bag real quick." I said before placing the test on the counter I didn't even look at the box. Until I really need to look it in a few minutes as I place my hands on my suit's case zipper and lifting the lid quickly grabbing a pair of blue jean shorts and two tank tops one white and one a light shade of blue. Like the sky. I moved quickly throwing on my under clothes and then my shorts and tanks tops, before putting on a pair of light blue converse that matched my tank top and almost my shorts.

I walked back in drying my hair a little, before throwing the towel in the hamper and placing my eyes back on the box as my feet moved slowly over to the counter. My eyes scanned the entire box, but not entire reading the directions or anything.

John's arms came back on my waist as he placed his chin on my shoulder trying to give me tell me he's supporting me through everything. I bet he wouldn't touch if I told him about Randy. He shouldn't touch me, what I did was wrong. He should be pissed at me, yell at me, not speak to me, get a seperate room. It feels like the right thing to do. I would do that to me if i was him.

"Are you ready to find out?" John asked still placing his chin on my shoulder.

"I think." I said normally.

"Alright I'll wait outside ok." He said kissing the back of my shoulder before leaving me all alone in the bathroom. I placed the box on the counter and made my eyes look up at the mirror seeing my reflection for the first time since getting up. I have avoided this moment all morning, but now I need to see what John see's. My face looked tired and hurt. Pain surged through my eyes, but just barely. This made me become even more nervous what if John noticed and he hasn't said anything yet. Then all of sudden my eyes didn't want to see my reflection as they looked down at bathroom sink counter top feeling tears coming I tried to fight back the tears for the moment, but one came running down my cheek leaving a stain. I moved over to the sink turning on the cold water and washing my face then grabbing a towel to dry my face.

Well I guess there's no more delaying this. My hand over the box before picking it up quickly, I opened the box pulling out everything inside to lay flat on the sink top. I reached for the booklet and opened it quickly scanning through to find the negative and positive colors. Pinkish is positive and blue is negative. A surge of hopiness of the test being negative. I won't John to the guy that I have a baby with.

Well here we go...

I came out of the bathrom leaving the door opened as my eyes focus on John who sat in the chair on the other side of the room with his elbows on his knees and his chin on his knuckles looking the ground for a moment, before realizing I had come back into the room. He moved back opening his arms for me to come and sit on his lap. I don't want him to think anything's wrong. I still feel like he shouldn't touch me.

I moved over to him slowly sitting on his lap and letting my head rest on his shoulder, before burying my face in his neck ALMOST letting tears come down my cheek. I need this child to be John's, if not this is going to blow up into a million pieces. Everyone else is going to suffer the effects. All because I let my stupid guard down. Dang it! Anger surged up in my veins making me almost move and pace around the room. I have to sit here and wait. I don't want John thinking there's something wrong or anything at the moment. It's better if I tell him myself on my terms.

"I love you." He whispered.

I think I should just go ahead and tell...

The tiny timed clock started ringing making me move my head and body back up off of John's lap and move slowly over to the dreser. Scaredness surged up inside me along with hopiness that it's going to be negative.

My eyes looked down at the test feeling my entire world resting one answer. One little answer can mean everything to me and the ones I care about the most in my life. I should have been more carefull around Randy. I feel like kicking myself in the butt. Anyway the results of the test are...

Pinkish color.

My eyes closed feeling like my tears are coming down my cheeks, but still I held myself together with whatever strength I had left. It's not very much anymore and I can't make my body regain that strength no matter what I do.

"What's the verdict babe?" John asked standing up.

"I'm pregnant." I whispered slowly.

My hand dropped the test in a store bag and went into the bathroom disposing of the test, before running over to the toliet and puking a little more. Ok I'm really not liking all this pukeness that's going on.

John came in the bathroom helping me up as I went over to the sink and turned the water on quickly allowing some to get in my hands to wash my mouth out real quick. I washed my mouth out completely getting rid of all the vomit. After a moment, I leaned up and moved over to John swiftly taking in his hand in mine and pulled him out of the bathroom. I lead him into the living room and over to the couch asking him to sit. My eyes moved over to the large clock seeing that it's almost 10:00. Gym time almost in John's mind.

"I need to talk to you for a minute." I said swiftly finally letting a few tears roll down my cheeks.

"Alright go ahead." John said nervously.

"Well the other day Randy came over and well..." I said for a moment looking down at the ground ashamed to say this. "I accidently let things go to far."

"What do you mean "to far"." He said doing the hand thing that people do to quote another.

"We ended up sleeping together." I said burying my head in my hands not wanting to his reaction. Tension came in the air and for a while neither one of us said a word. Then suddenly John spoke angry.

"So there's a chance I might be the dad."

I could only nod at him as my head didn't come up to even see his reaction. I don't need to anyway.

"I need to go before I'm late for the gym." He said getting up quickly and grabbing his gym bag. Without another word to me, John left for the gym. The room feel silent and a soft ringing in my ears began quickly as my tear kept following.

_A few minutes later..._

A knock came on the door and I turned around wiping my eyes quickly, before I wiped both my eyes from years. I moved slowly over to the door without even looking I throw my arms over what I thought was John.

"Well this is a nice turn of events." Randy said smiling sweet.

I moved away quickly trying to hide the fact of me crying, but it's impossible. I only turned around and walked back over to the couch sitting my feet in the couch as Randy shut the door behind him and walked over to me. Well might as well get this over with now.

"I'm pregnant Randy." I said flatly.

He stood dead still in his tracks looking at me with a blank expression on his face. Wow that's a first. Through all the times we'd seen each other I always looked at him like he's the greatest guy in my life. No matter what happened between us, we never broke up. We always talked about how we can never do that again or how we can make that relationship work. Right now, I want that back. That time where we didn't have to worry about anything really expect getting caught in all the media that surfaced around him.

"If your not going to say anything then leave please." I said meanly.

His face looked up to me now seeing curiousity and happiness that floats in his eyes as he came closer to me. He moved to the right side of me leaving only an inch between us. I tried to make my body move away. Only it felt stubborn and stayed where it was. Love formed in his eyes so much that I couldn't look away as our lips drew closer until finally we just kissed. The kiss intensed as Randy pulled me onto his lap before the kiss ended.

"This is perfect, a baby with you. I'm going be a daddy." He said smiling at me.

"Might be." I said slowly.

"What you mean?" He asked with a question look on his face.

"John remember." I said wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Damn. I forgot about him. Well have you told him about us?" He asked quickly.

"I did about five minutes ago." I said looking down at my tan legs.

Randy didn't say anything for a moment letting the wheels in his head turn quickly. I didn't move at all just looked at him scared this might be the last time I see him for a while. If I do have to leave then I want this time be a quiet way out. I know that it's not the best option with me pregnant and all the money it takes to raise a baby. I know i can do this. There's something else that no one else knows that I'll discuss with Randy and John later.

"Well I already sent off my divorce papers." He said smiling at me as he wrapping his arms around me and giving me a tight hug. I leaned in smelling his axe spray coming in my nose. I made my mind memorize the smell completely so I could get the spray maybe.

"We don't know what might happen, you shouldn't have done that Randy." I said getting up off his lap slowly and walking over to the fridge grabbing a water quickly and walking over to the back of the couch.

The door clicked making my body turn around to see John coming in.

"Look I wanted to say I'm-."

John stopped in mid-sentence as he looked back and forth from me to Randy quickly and then shaking his head at us. I want to move over to him and tell him I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I also didn't mean to be here. I should have just walked away that night. This could have never happened. I should have just talked things out with Tyler. I wouldn't be creating a wedge between two friends.

"You couldn't just leave her alone could you man? You just had to have her. Even though your married and have one kid already remember." John said stand a few inches from me.

"John." I whispered coming a little closer.

"No don't. I can't even look at you right. I thought I could make it past that. I do love you with everything in me and I don't want to lose you." He said backing away from me. I stopped still and looked down at the couch letting tears begin to fall again.

"You should stay out of my business!" Randy said standing up now.

"You were the one talking about her in the first place!" John said angry.

"I didn't think you'd go after her!" Randy said even madder.

Both men then came nose to nose and I felt the tension in the room coming to a dangerous boil and one thought came in my mind. What have I done?

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	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I stepped between them looking back and forth between Randy and John. My fear raised my sick level to an ulimate high right now. I don't know how much more I can really deal with right now. This is too much as it is right now. I feel like this was a mistake dating both guys one after the other. Also makes me feel like a hole.

"Don't do this right now." I asked looking back and forth still.

"No this is going to happen. I didn't plan on it Randy. You left her without money and alone. I got there she looked like she hadn't eaten, been out of the house. Man this woman would die for you and you just through her away like she wasn't anything anymore. I went there to see how was she and to see if you were lying or not. When I looked at her everything changed." John said angry.

"Whatever happened to honoring the code man! It's sad when I can't even tell you anything anymore. As wonder if Dave hasn't been to see her. I'm surprised she hasn't slept with him yet!" Randy yelled moving away from us now as he rubbed his forehead slowly.

"Wait just a minute! I didn't sleep with Dave. Heck I haven't even met the man." I said moving a little forward, but John's hand closing around my wrist pulling me back to him.

Randy is unpredictable in these cases. One time he told me he destroyed an entire hotel room. It shocked and scared me a little to believe that he could do that, but Randy can be cold and arrogant when he wants to be. It's kind of hard to get him to open up about much. Randy turned around quickly letting me see his finally face. Something made me look at it more. That's when I realized something is wrong with him. I moved out from behind John going closer to Randy softly. His forehead and checks became sweaty. His angry had been pressed to a new level this time. Even though, we pissed him off. Something else upped his angry. I moved forward a little, John stopped me again this time looking hurt and scared at the same time. I moved back to him giving John a soft hug. I hugged him so tight, I thought my arms might fall off. I whispered softly in his left ear.

"Let me get this over with so we can move on together." I whispered almost crying.

John pulled back a little looking at me for a moment, before putting his right hand on my right cheeks slowly. He gave me a smile and a kiss softly, before turning around and walking out. I moved back around to look at Randy to see he hadn't moved an inch from where he was before John left. I hadn't decided about moving yet. Standing here made me feel safe, but standing here also means that I'm not trying to figure out whats wrong with him.

"Whats happened to you?" I asked moving a little forward.

He waited for a moment trying to get his angry to cool down, but it was effortless. Somehow this only made his angry grow. What's happened to him since he left. This isn't the man I love. This is a copy of a new guy that doesn't seem to be normal anymore. I moved over to him now not even stopping for anything or any reason. My heart started skipping beats as my steps became closer to him Every ounce of me needed to feel his skin, to feel how much he can make my heart beat faster by the moment. To feel how much I come alive.

"Stop..." Randy whispered not even sending me a glance.

The some of the angry had left him, but he still didn't want to take any chances with me. Right now, nothing else matter to him expect not hurting me. My heart didn't listen as I approached him fully now. His face seemed to sweat more and more by the minutes. His fists that aren't as tight as they once was are now shaking. He looked like he's about to just breakdown right here. Wasn't he the big bad legend killer? I thought he was made to be strong and not cry.

"Randy turn around." I said softly grabbing his left forearm slowly.

He turned around to look at me with so much shame in his eyes that I thought he could never be seen the same. His eyes also betrayed nothing that seemed to making him like this. Then I realized Hunter must know something, but if he did has he down anything about? Something whispered in the back of my mind that Hunter has talked to Randy over and over, but it hasn't done any good.

"Let at me. I'm weak and pathotic." He said laughing smugly.

"How?" I asked looking concerned.

"Im hooked to painkillers." He said softly before digging in his pocket and pulling out a full bottle.

My hand reached out for the pills taking them slowly and seeing indead they were pain pills. My heart came to a screeching halt for that moment, I realized that he could have had or will have an overdos. He can die and no one will know. My head began to become dizzy with all kinds of stuff that might happen to Randy. All because of me. I moved away from him softly going over to the couch and sitting down. What I have I done?

"How long?" I asked looking down at the coffee table close to tears.

"A while." He said sitting down next to me.

I shook my head not wanting to allow any angry come to me. No matter what I can't get mad. Everything in me let that one sentence run through my entire body sending small comfort through me. This is so unbelievable espically coming from Randy. Then again this does sound like Randy. He probably got hooked on them while partying or something. That's how Evolution is. Massive hangovers in the morning. The life of a evolution member.

"Why didn't you tell me or someone?" I asked looking at him now trying to stay calm.

"What does it matter anyway? I mean your with him now?" Randy said looking away from me.

I closed my eyes feeling every ounce of angry become more and more demanding to be let out, but I pressed it down harder fighting to stay in control this time.

"It does matter Rany because you could have died." I said getting up and moving around the room now.

"While your here with John right!" He said angryly.

"Don't even try to pin this on me and John. I had nothing to do with this, this is your decision you've made. I will not be part of this. If you want to know if this baby is yours, then you better strengthen up your act." I said placing my hand on my hip.

"Hell yeah I'm going pin this on John. He shouldn't have gone after you like that. There's code you know. My best friend isn't suppose to go after my girl." Randy said standing up now.

"Ex girl there's a difference. You lied to me and pushed me away all the time. I never got a chance to even talk to most of the time about anything." I said shaking my head softly.

"Thats not my fault." Randy said looking down at the floor.

"Randy it is, but it's also mine. I shouldn't have gone out with a married man. It's wrong on so many levels." I said looking down at the couch letting a tear fall down my cheek.

Randy didn't say anything, but looked at me a moment. I didn't have the courage to look up at him. It's bad enough everyone else knows I was the other woman. That's pretty sad on my part because I was sleeping with a married man. It made me cringe away just thinking about this. I didn't mean to, but I couldn't help it.

Randy's movement had triggered my attention until he was now leaning against my forehead slowly letting me feel sweat off him. I didn't pull away feeling the electricity begin to flow between us. Everything in me became alive wanting to be with him so badly, but also knowing we can't anymore. This is how my life is suppose to be, not having an affair with a maaried man.

"Don't try and act like their's not chemistry between us." He whispered softly before moving to kiss me.

God knows how much I want that kiss, but I also need to start moving on with John. I pulled away to the right side of the room looking at the plain wall trying to find someway to make everyone happy.

"If this baby is yours then we'll have something to talk about or if you get off the painkillers. Until then I have nothing else to say to you." I said still not turning around. I'm scrared I might not be able to keep my word on this one.

"Fine!" He said walking out of the hotel and leaving me to finally breakdown and cry.

_6 months later_

The months have flown by and I haven't even heard a word from Randy since that day we had an arguement. To tell the truth I missed him like crazy. Not speaking to him is harder than I would have imagined and being away from him is even ever. Somehow each day managed to drag on from when I found out I was pregnant until now. It's both exciting and scaredy at the same time. Calming also came around me telling me that the decision I made the other day.

My legs stretched out across the coffee table as my hands landed soft on my huge belly. Today is the day that I found out two things. First Who's is daddy and what is the gender of the baby. Both exciting things I think. John's movement made me look to my right seeing his eyes sparkle at the site of my belly. Each passing day becomes closer and closer to my due date. Im getting more and more excited. Each appointment gets me closer to seeing how far along my baby has come. John's been excited to never stop talking or smiling each time he mentions the baby. His parents are even more excited to get to probably meet their grandbaby as well as Randy's. Well the last I heard they were. Randy sent me a letter. I guess he's honoring my wish of what I said or he's being stubborn. My bets are on the stubborn part though. Once he's in that mode it's hard to even get him to change his mind. I wonder what Sam thinks of all this. I'd be freaked if I were her, but there's nothing anybody can do. What's happened has and there's no turning back. I wouldn't anyone. This path has given me a beautiful baby growing inside me.

"You ok?" John asked grabbing my right hand to interwine with his slowly as his smiled brighten to see my stomach growing day by day. That smile remind me of this one time I came home from the store. Boxes we're everywhere for crib, changing table, high chair, basket, bouncey thing. I never seen so much baby stuff. John's days off we're spent making my spare room into a nursery instead of a plain room. I didn't even get hte chance to help because he order me to go sit down. He's one of those nervous type always keep everything in order. He has barely enough nerves now. He's always in panic mode trying to make me comfortable and I know that its only going to ge worse as the time draws near for my due date.

"Yeah, just sit with me for a while." I said leaning up to kiss him as he met me the rest of the way. The kiss sent a thrill through me letting me know that this is where I belong.

"How's the baby? Did you eat breakfast? Do you need anything to drink or have to go to the bathroom?" He said sitting up a little.

"The baby's fine, I ate breakfast I don't need to pee and Im not thirsty. Sit down." I said pushing him back alittle.

"We can't right now. We have to go to the doc's office come on." He said getting up without even giving me another glance.

I shaked my head as he helped me up off the couch slowly. I walked with his hand in mine scared of each step. I'm so clumsy that each step could end up with me making an ass out of myself. John's right here though never losing any patience with me always holding my hand and everything. Never has missed one doctor's appointment. Always holding my hand when they take blood or give me shots. He's the perfect man. Always wanting to take care of me no matter the time. He about went haywire when they said that i should stay home now since I'm really far along.

We walked through the hotel swiftly making it to the elevator in about 10 minutes. As we waited for the elevator ding, Randy came and stood beside us. That's when the awkwardness set inside all three of us. I wanted to break the silence, but I couldn't think of anything that would. I mean anything you say is going to be weird or make one of them made. What's the difference right? A small headache formed suddenly making me rub the side of my head, before the elevator ding rung quickly letting the doors open.

We stepped in quickly as Randy pushed ground floor and made his eyes push up to see the floors going down. John just looked at the ground as my eyes looked straight ahead seeing my reflection almost clear in the steel of the elevator door. Something almost made me just turn around and walk away from both of them. The pain of Randy and me hasn't disappeared. It's gotten worse over time. It's like a virus that won't leave. How far do I have to go, before all this stops.

The elevator ding made my eyes remove from the doors to see the brown wall across the elevator as we moved down the hall and out of the hotel. Randy walked off toward the garage as John opened the door for me. Silence seemed to follow me and John as we drove to the doctor. My eyes focused on my side mirror as Randy's rented Tahoe follows us.

_Fiffteen minutes later..._

We find a parking space and pull in as I give myself time to get out. John's already by my side as Randy stands down in front of the car not looking our way. Something inside me pains for his voice. My heart leaps in a beat slowly listening to see if he even makes a sound. I can't even hear his breathing. Right now, my mind flowed back to my baby as we walked into the office clinic and checked in. Before I could even sit down, a nurse called me back and got me in room.

Randy sat on the opposite side not even glancing my way as John stood by holding my hand before the doctor came in. I didn't even feel like noticing anything about the doctor as my eyes feel to my stomach.

"Good morning, I'm doctor King. I understand you want to go ahead and have a dna test done on the baby, some shots, and some blood taken." The doctor said as John and me gave him a nod yes. The doctor did the blood and the shots first. Then the dna test. I dont't how long we sat in the room, all of us quiet.

The doctor came back in setting papers down on the table and turning back to us.

"The baby is your ex-boyfriend's."

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Sorry for the short chapter life's been a little crazy.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The room became quiet, I couldn't even hear anyone in the room breath. This made my nervousness come shining through along with my patience for everyone in the world. I just wanted things to go smooth, but not I don't even think that's possible.

"Well, you have a healthy baby girl. I'll give you some minutes alone." The doctor said slipping out of the room.

The tension in the room started to climb so much that I felt like I couldn't breath right. Every emotion coursed through me, hurt, pain, angry, happyness. I felt like just being put on display at a show or gallery. That's not what I want to feel like. I wanted this day to go smoothly. I hadn't really thought about anything else, but smooth all day. I haven't even considered who i want the daddy to be, well it really doesn't matter to me.

"Have you told John?" Randy said slowly.

His voice sounded so horse and normal that my mind almost forgot the sound of his voice. I clinged that voice to my mind as I sat up slowly not adjusting to the way i have to move now. I feel like a big fat beach whale on the beach trying to at least get a tan.

"Randy!" I said in a snappy tone.

"Told me what?" John asked slowly.

"There's a chance she might not make it John." Randy said coming over to stand beside me now.

John looked down at me for what seemed forever, but only seconds. The seconds gave me enough time to really see how much this is actually killing him. Knowing that the life inside me isn't his, that I might not make it through the birth of my child, and losing me. I felt like hugging him forever. This is my choice though, I want my baby to have a life instead of taking it away. How far is that?

"I'm going for a breather." John said moving away from me and out the door.

I rubbed my forehead trying to hold back the tears that seemed to surface. This is what my life has become, some stupid sideshow laughable. I can hear all the things people might be going to say about me. I'm whore that didn't want to let either one of them go. I don't want to let either one of the go. Call me selfish or whatever, but it's true. It's time to get things straighten things out I think.

"Why did you tell him that?" I whispered slowly looking down at the little sunshine that came through the cracks of the shade.

"He needed to know." Randy said stepping beside me now.

"I needed to tell him myself." I said placing my left hand on my stomach trying so hard to hold everything back.

"I can't lose you." Randy said stepping closer to as his first right finger came under my chin to pull my face up to his eyes.

HIs blue eyes seemed to still amaze me after all the time apart, I never ever get tried of looking at them. No matter how much agony or angry this one man has done to me, I still feel the same way about him now that I did the first time I met him. The first time we kissed and the first time we made love. Every emotion of the times we spent kissing, hugging, arguing, talking, making love, or anything else came rushing back. I don't want feel this way about him anymore. I want this feeling to be transfered to John a little. Then I don't because it might take him longer to get over the fact he might acutally lose me. It's something Randy and John have to accept and deal with.

"I want you to do somethng for me." I said touching Randy's cheek slowly.

"Anything." Randy said clapping on to my hand like it was the last time he'd see me.

"If anything happens to me. I don't want Sam to be my baby's mother got it." I said slowly.

"You got it!" He said quietly.

"And I want my jeep to be set up for my baby and the photo albums I put together of us in my closet on the upper left side of the shelf to be given to the baby to." I whispered letting a tear run down my cheek.

"You still have time to rethink this." Randy said slowly.

"No, I've made my decision. It's final." I said looking down at my lap.

The door opening made both me and Randy look toward the door to see John coming back in along with the doctor. The room became intense again making me almost want to just walk away from both of them. I can't because that wouldn't be fair to my baby. So i sucked up my angry and waited for what the doc said.

"I guess by now you know that there's a slim chance you won't make it through the delievery or the baby won't. I can try to save you both, but I need to know which one it comes to when the needing to save one comes up." The doctor said slowly.

"My baby." I said looking up at John.

His expression was blank, but hurt at the same time. It took me a minute to see the hurt that played in his eyes. I grabbed his hand slowly sending a aqueeze of pleading through his hand as the doctor gave us the ok to go. Randy walked behind us slowly watching me in particular, The back of my neck felt like a picture that couldn't be looked away from at a art gallery or something. The choice for me to die and my baby to live is the right choice. There's no other way around it .I would love to be able to hold my baby, see it's face, eyes, hands, everything .There's a point in life where this feels like the choice I needed to make for everyone.

The rest of the way to the hotel room was quiet for me and John, even though it killed me in so many ways for this silence to go on. I bit my tongue and refused to be the one to break it at the moment. When we came in our hotelroom, I hit the ceiling head on with my angry and frustration for John acting like a kid instead of an adult.

"Will you at least say something to me." I said angry.

"What else is there to say?" John asked looking down at the glass coffee table.

"This is my last week being on the road with you and your going to act like this." I said coming over slowly.

"How am I suppose to act?" John asked sadly.

"I don't say something." I said moving over next to him.

"You made this decision without me." John said getting up and moving toward the back of the couch.

"It's more of my decision." I said looking down at my hands slowly.

"I guess just because I'm your boyfriend doesn't give me any weigh in to your decision." He said slowly.

"That's not true." I said looking up at him slowly.

His face gave off angry, frustration, and hurt at all this. Something else played in his eyes that made my heart fill up with so much sadness that I almost wanted to walk from all this again. He wants things back to the way they were, like when we first met.

"I can't lose you." He said coming over to lean in front of me.

My hand came on the side of his cheek made his hand cover mine slowly. Then within a second his lips came to my wrist kissing it slowly. My eyes catched a tear roll down his right cheek. I've never seen John hurt this much. It scares me so much that I kind of wish my baby hadn't come. I wouldn't change this for anythign in the world.

"I want you to help raise my baby. Your the step-daddy now." I said raising his chin up slowly.

This made his smile come across his sweet face as he leaned up now leaning his forehead on mine slowly. Even ounce of love he has for me, I feel right now. It's in the room, in his hearts. Then his lips touched mine and the eletricity flowed through the kiss like nothing ever before. Something made both our hearts connected. Something told me it was like John losing his love for life also. Not having me around to talk to or kiss. I felt the same way, but I'm not changing my mind.

"Do you know how weird that sounds?" John asked letting a small smile creep on his face.

"Yes, but I want you to help." I said letting a few tears fall down my cheek.

"Think about what your doing." He said quietly.

"I have and if this is what needs to be done, then I'm for this way." I wiping my tears away.

"I'm not." He said angry

"This baby is a part of me. I want you to be there for this baby." I said slowly.

"Even though it means that I lose you." John asked showing the hurt in his eyes.

"Well you'll have my baby." I said pulling him back up on the couch to cuddle with him a while, before the show started.

"Stop this madness and sit here and think about how this is going to affect everyone around you including me. I'll never be able to see you, hold you, touch, kiss, make love to you anymore." John said getting even madder.

"It's not madness, I've lived half my life. It's time I give this one inside me a chance."

"I can't deal with this right now." John said walking toward the door.

Everything in me wanted to run after him and talk some sense into his head, but then another part of me wanted to let him cool off. Maybe cooling off is better option to have him thinking clearly. That's important. I'm not going to get mad or anything, it's not good for the baby.

A knock and the door opening made my eyes look up to the door to see Randy coming in through the door. He wore the same expression he wore earlier on his face as he pressed forward. My stomach become nervous all of sudden making me want to get up and stand. Only something else held me where I am. My heart.

"Has John been able to make you rethink you're decision?" Randy asked slowly.

"No, but I want him to be apart of this baby's life no matter what Randy." I said stubbornly.

"That's fine." Randy said coming over and sitting in the recliner.

"You don't seem as happy as I would have thought you'd be." I said folding my arms over my stomach slowly.

"Not this way, I'm not." Randy said giving me a look that made my skin want to crawl.

I waited a few moments holding back everything inside that seemed to want to spill out nothing, but heartache and pain. No one understands anything I say. It's like I'm invisible almost. John's not even understanding. He's suppose to be the calm and understanding one of the bunch. Something in me wanted Randy to understand everything that needed to happen.

"Well I got to pack want to help?" I said slowly getting up.

"Before I knew it, Randy's was there helping me up by touching my forearm and this time the electricity seemed to not be as strong as the last time he ever touched me. This is made my heartache a little, but I decided not to let it get to me right now. I put it away for later when I had to leave for my plane ride. I wanna just go ahead and leave now. Time apart might be better for John and me. I just hope things don't go sour between Randy and John. I won't be here to stop it like I always have been. I almost made myself reconsider my decision about all this, but my mind pushed every second though I have away. No time for re-thinking. My feet moved forward as Randy went ahead and dropped my suitcase on the bed and started placing my thing inside, I tried to help. He always told me to sit and no more arguing with him. So I did watching him closely and this made me realize something. This is the guy I wanted, before everything went haywire between us. The one ready for anything and ready to be there for me, us, and himself. Caring for the people around us, not himself.

"Is this it?" Randy asked looking over at me.

I shook my head trying to gather both my thoughts and voice at the sametime, before I answered him slowly.

"Yeah." I said slowly getting up out of my chair.

"I'll call you a cab and try to find John real quick. Just relax ok." Randy said quickly.

I almost laughed, but sent a nodd his way as I sat back down leaning my head on the ceiling to see the white paint displayed above. After much time, Randy came back and told me he couldn't find John, so he's going take me to the airport himself. My thoughts seemed to just stop as sadness creeped in my heart and mind. Everything in me bounced back to where I wanted things back the way there were before. Maybe if things had been different, things wouldn't have been this hard for everyone involved. I should have walked away that night. Maybe if I had, all this drama would have never begun. Everyone's life might have been alot saner if I hadn't come in the picture.

"From that look on your face, I think your thoughts haven't been pleasant, since the moment I announced that I couldn't find John." Randy said moving in step with me now.

I didn't answer as Randy took my hand in his. He kept walking forward without another word. taking the hint that I don't feel like talking right now. Ugh! When did my life become all about drama and not about being happy. How did so much drama just take over my life. How did things get so complicated? So many questions, but no answers for them. I feel like crawling in a bed and just laying there forever.

"I'll be staying with you from now, I got cleared from Vince. Since I couldn't find John." Randy said pulling me on the elevator gentle.

The elevator ride idn't last to long as we got off and walked toward the lobby area. My eyes searched all over the halls, lobby and even the bar. Even though I couldn't see good and Randy wouldn't let me go in there because something might happen to me and/or the baby. It's understandable, so I didn't argue when we pressed forward outside to stand and wait for his rental car. My eyes looked back at the hotel one last time, before I got in Randy's car and drove off away from the hotel. My heart broke that day.

_3 Months Later..._

I woke up to a pain so bad in my belly that made me scream at the top of my lungs. I tried to sit up and get out of bed, but the pain made me lay there helpless. Then Randy's movement came in a rush as he was sitting on the edge of my bed in a matter of moments. I didn't even have to say anything as he got the picture slowly freaking out as he grabbed the gym by the bedroom door and coming over to me. Somehow he lifted me up in his arms while throwing the gym bag on his shoulder. His face gave off scared and nervousness as he hauled me out to the car. He sat me down in the back letting me lay down as he went over to the driver's door and got in. He threw the gym bag in the passenger's seat like it was nothing, before he started the car and drove toward the hospital.

After more than 20 minutes of getting me settled in and stuff, John came in first looking horrible. Bags had formed under his eyes and I hadn't spoken to him for 3 months. I missed the sound of his voice. He came closer slowly letting tears drop from his cheeks as he buried his head in my neck and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I didn't feel nervous anymore, just excited to let the world see my baby.

"Hello stranger." I said with a smile on my face.

"How you been?" John asked wiping his tears away.

"Good u?" I said rubbing his right cheek.

"I think you already know the answer to that question." John said grabbing my wrist and kissing the wrist part slowly.

"I love you." I whispered softly.

"I love you to." John whispered softly back.

"Don't forget you gave me your word about looking after my baby." I whispered.

"I haven't." John whispered softly.

Randy coming in made both of us look at him softly as his face betrayed sadness and hurt. John stepped away from me and over to the chairs giving us a little bit of privacy.

"Well, daddy you ready to meet your baby girl."

"Yeah." Randy said smiling.

"Her name full name is Hailey Elizabeth Orton." I said laughing a little.

"That's fine with me." Randy said dropping the smile from his face.

The doctor came in telling both men they have to leave in a few minutes. I gave John a kiss on the lips and Randy a kiss on the cheek, before they both left...

I heard her cry as my eyes started becoming fuzzy and not seeing clearly. I saw her face for a moment and it looked just like me, before my heart began slowly down and my eyes wanted to rest. I gave in to letting my sleep come to me...

Thanks so much for the reviews. I'm thinking about a second story involving haley. Let me hear your opinions please! Thanks.


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